Kingdom keyholders- children's wisdom vol.4

Sorry I've been so negligent here. The kids and I have been working through the book of Mark and it is a very enriching experience. I know I gain so much from reading with the intent of sharing the WORD with them. First, I have to think about what the main message is, then how to share it in a way preschoolers can understand, often times, I see just how piercingly true, demanding and gracious the Lover really is when we get to the nitty gritty of what does this really mean. I think some of the best things with purposeful sharing time has been our discussions. My two year old doesn't get into it much beyond the initial activity... but she has grasped such profound yet simple truths. When her brother is overwhelmed or having a hard time, she is often heard saying "Jesus will help you", so matter of fact and knowingly. It's beautiful and as I hear those words, it reminds me too "Jesus will help you", with whatever I'm dealing with.

My 4 year old is asking probing questions while we are doing activities.
I thought of the song: "on Monday, I was all alone, on Tuesday, I had my sins to atone, on Wednesday, o Lord I cried and I cried, on Thursday, o Lord, I thought I would die, on Friday, I started to pray, on Saturday, I read my bible all day, and on Sunday Lord, the heavens rejoiced, I've got the love of God in my soul... no reason to sigh anymore, no reason to cry anymore, no reason to die anymore, I've got the love of God in my soul". I printed out pictures snagged from the internet and we sang the song repeatedly. AO#1 started asking a lot about dying as we sang. He is a bit tormented by the idea of death and doesn't want his parents to die first. I tried to emphasize how awesome heaven was and that dying is nothing to be afraid of, that that is our time to be fully with the Lover in the home He is building for us. AO#1 is all into building right now and loved that idea. The more we talked, the giddier he got. He got to laughing and was so excited about heaven. But then he would start to cry and say that he wanted to die first, before me or his dad, because he didn't want us to die. What could I say? I can't guarantee to him that we will live until we are old, but I told him that we could pray we will all be old when we die and showed him pictures of my parents and grandma, showing how long they have lived. In a way, I think it's a bit much to be talking about such deep things as death with a 4 year old, but at the same time, death is our victory and life is not guaranteed. We must all know that each day is a gift.

It's sweet because we don't use this expression, but every time AO#1 prays, he says: "thank you for today and for my whole life". His sister has even started picking up on his phrase.

Yes, CEO, thank you for my whole life and those of my children and husband.

Kingdom keyholders- children's wisdom vol.3

a recent conversation in our home...

son: "mom, God is showing me a giant bell"
me: (looking for the meaning of this giant bell) "what does it look like?"
son: "it's big and old. It's brown. You have to push it and it goes 'ding dong, ding, dong'"
me (still looking for the meaning) "why do you think he's showing you a giant bell?"
son: (who seems shocked that I would not understand something so obvious) "because it's super fun!"

I learned today, from a four year old kingdom keeper of God's total love for me, for us-- that he wants us to experience joy and that we don't always have to look for some deep meaning, or make things complicated, that we can just accept his gifts and receive this love and joy from the Father.

Songs and mourning

Mbamie asked for prayers the other day. She was wondering if she was sick because some weeks she gets really down and cries a lot about the loss of her baby. She has also been having nightmares. It made me wonder if it really was best for us to get her to see her baby and get the pictures when I heard that, but I also know and reassured her that the mourning and healing time is very strong during the first year and will even continue all throughout her life, but that the pain of loss will not be so raw forever. (I did ask if she felt like hurting herself or others and if the depression was debilitating, or if she can manage work, if she's eating...). I don't think she is dangerously depressed, but just dealing with the real emotions of losing a child. Pray for her peace and for the Lord to give her dreams that will bring healing to her heart.

Apart from some bumps, I've had a beautiful week in that I got to compose the music to go with the words spoken over our daughter. With each child, we invited friends and family to speak prophetic/encouraging words over them. I had read a book where parents spoke a blessing over their kids each day and thought how wonderful it would be to hear their words from their day of dedication to the Lord. It is so humbling to hear these great words of promise from scripture and others being said in reference to our child. It makes me realize even more what a gift she is and the amazing indwelling power of the Lover within each of us and her in particular.

Dedication

Tomorrow we have invited friends to come to our home to speak words of blessing, promise, hope, goodness, prophecy, love... over AO#3. We would love for you to share in this celebration with us by writing a message for AO#3. These will be spoken over her not only now, but throughout her growing years. We believe in the power of our words and that the messages spoken to her from heaven and from our hearts/soul/minds will have a great influence on her. Feel free to post a message here or e-mail me at:

secretagentwife@gmail.com

We are excited to know who our daughter is and are full of joy for her future with us and in the world. We know that she is so very precious and that it is a huge privilege for us to be able to speak life and love over her.

chewed out

I went over to my neighbor's to give them an invitation to our baby's dedication party and was met with fierce anger. "I could have killed your damn dog! She attacked me and Sammy (his lap dog)" "my dog? Are you sure it was my dog?" "yes, your damn dog that always snarls and barks at me!" "what happened?" "Your damn dog jumped on me and went after Sammy" (He is shaking with rage) "I am so sorry that happened. We don't let her out, but we noticed that the kids had left the gate open last week" "sorry is not good enough!" He pointed at me and yelled more damn this and damn that (damn is his favorite word). His anger was poisonous as I felt anger come up in me. "what do you want me to do, put her down? I'm sorry this happened and know what it's like to have a dog come out and attack" (we had a pit bull bite at our dog's neck down our street when we were on a walk once). I kept saying I was sorry and he kept shouting at me. I wanted to march out with my invitation, but felt like I was to stay and infuse calmness in the home, so I listened and apologized and sympathized.

I discovered that most likely our dog had jumped up on him and barked at him and sniffed his dog from his wife's description, but when she said that he came back shaking, I realized that the biggest affront was that our dog had scared him. I felt this in my spirit. He is 85 years old and while he is hefty looking I know that he doesn't walk much even and hates growing old. I talked with his wife for quite a while as we shared stories of times stray dogs had followed us or given us fear and I apologized some more and gave them the invitation.

When I left, I was so upset within myself. The hatred and rage was so palpable. (This neighbor has a lot of hatred and rage on his best days, over everything and anything, so he was really spewing with this). Then I realized what a sad life he lives, with no joy, always cursing the government, the world, only caring about the state of his social security check, damning everything. I was sincerely sorry for what had happened, but there was no forgiveness within him. I have been thanking the CEO that I was chewed out like this because it has reminded me to pray for peace for him- not just in this circumstance, but even more so within his innermost being, with the CEO.

party

Meshell called asking me if I wanted to come to her son's party later in the day. I didn't want to, because I wanted to be selfish and stay home to do ultimately un-important things. Also, I knew her house would be filthy, smell bad and be highly uncomfortable. I asked agent B. what he thought and he suggested I go with AO#1. We walked over- which was awesome, getting one on one time with my son. The weather was perfect. I prepped him in advance saying that the house would smell, but to say nothing about it as that would be rude. He started getting really shy then saying he didn't want to go.

We got there and Meshell and her extended family were so happy we had come. I ended up really enjoying being there. Although we gasped when they opened the door (yes, it smelled that bad). And we eventually found a spot on a dirty couch in a small living area equally filthy and crawling with small roaches. Lots of people from the poverty culture came. They were offered a soda and chili dog that was cooked on a hot plate (they didn't have the gas on because Meshell's brother hadn't paid the bill). The family and friends were so very open, loving and genuine that it was a joy to be with them even on "turf" that we were not necessarily "at home" in.

We were the only ones who had brought a gift, which explained to me why Meshell never brings a gift to our parties. The party is not about expensive gifts, but about being together. Her son's birthday is not actually until the 27th, but they figured they needed to have it at the beginning of the month before their money ran out. I admire them for having people over in their humble circumstances to celebrate life.

letter

The gospel really is not that complicated. The Lover left us with 2 commands... just 2: Love God and love others. This should not be so difficult if it were not for our flesh, our desires, our wants and religion and pride... getting in the way. I heard of a minister who wrote one word on his door that said: others. So I have been trying to simplify the gospel in my life, first of all just taking one day at a time and secondly focusing on others- not necessarily looking for ways to convert or reach out or share, but looking for ways to sincerely love.

Yesterday, I was thinking about Princess and how much I missed her and how she had opened up to me a couple of times in writing, but never really in person and why she didn't want to have relationship anymore. Then the Lover revealed to me that I may have really hurt her with a loose tongue in questioning her sisters about things that had gone on (I found out after that her sisters didn't know about it until I said something). I kept asking the CEO what to do and battled with my flesh which wanted to make up excuses, but I could see that pride and lack of self-control on my part may have really hurt an already beat up friend and ultimately our fragile relationship. I felt like I needed to write her and apologize and release her in my heart to the ultimate lover who can heal all situations and people. So I did.