Raising them in???

My favorite question to ask parents is: What is the best thing you have done as a parent? I get lots of good answers and it helps to remember the most important things, get ideas and share experiences, but I heard an answer recently that stopped me in my tracks.

The mom answered that the best thing she had done was to raise her kids in church.

She went on to explain that she had lived a wild life, and that although her kids are now adults making their own choices, they always come back.

I don't think she meant it in a bad way, but it struck me that this is some twisted kind of perversion.

I was studying at a COC univ. when a prof asked what our religious tradition focused on the most out of the 8 tenets of the faith: God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, Church, salvation, the struggle of good and evil, time and eternity... (can't remember the last one). The unanimous declaration was that we focused on Church the most. I remember my version of "witnessing" as a teen was not to tell people about the Lover, but to tell them about church- like somehow if they would just make it through the doors of our building, they would become sanctified. I remember thinking that it was me and the other christians I saw on Sundays at our building trying to convert the rest of the city's population. This was not taught overtly, but somehow this was the message I received.

Prov.22:6 does say: "train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it", but our rock is the Lover (God, Jesus and Holy Spirit- and there are three parts, not just two), not religion, or a system, structure or weekly ritual.

I do think it's essential for my children to know and interact with other followers of the Lover. I am only a very small part of a much larger picture, the body. I wouldn't want them to only see a tendon- or worse, an ingrown toenail. But so many times it's like we've decapitated Christ, the head, with all our stale forms. He's out loving and caring for people while we (and I mean me too) squabble over stupid, stupid issues.

"You diligently study the Scriptures because you think that by them you possess eternal life. These are the Scriptures that testify about me, yet you refuse to come to me to have life"- John 5:39-40- The Lover's pointed remarks to the religious people of his day. I don't think it would be a stretch to translate it into our day as follows:

You unfailingly attend meetings, because you think that by attending, by placing membership, by being a part of THE (ie. your version of the) "church" you possess eternal life... yet you refuse to come to me to have life.

How many times has this been the state of my heart? And do we care so much about LIVING in Him, about KNOWING Him, about the taking up our cross and following him, sacrificially, giving up all we have for Him? or am I just looking for some cheap fire insurance? A free entrance into heaven card?

To be SOMEONE

There is a billboard that I find incredibly insensitive, demeaning and arrogant. It's on Ambler, on the route to 2 out of our 3 very expensive, Christian Universities in the city. The advertisement has a Hispanic mother and daughter smiling on it with the words (in Spanish): my mother encouraged me to go to university so that I could be someone.

I'm sure this sign is meant to inspire and elevate and encourage people who have often found difficult paths in this state. I think it is portraying a misguided worldview from the middle class perspective- that education can MAKE a person. Why is it that our society and our actions value someone with more education? Or who makes more money? This is so utterly contrary to what the Lover taught. He made the poignant lesson of washing his disciples feet, although they called him "teacher". What if we valued people who serve, who love, who give of themselves sacrificially over what degrees someone has, what the person drives or how that person can impress others?

I don't think simply going to university can "make" a person and often it makes us worse, not better: more arrogant, more self-reliant, more stratified in our society, instead of encouraging greater love and greater respect of others.

Furthermore, the unwritten (and probably unmeant) meaning behind this billboard is that by NOT going to university, you are a nobody. This is where the sign really bites. It's in a poor neighborhood with a high Hispanic population. How many of them have been to university? How many of them see this sign and feel that they are a failure every time they read it? How many times do our "good intentions" to help people learn to "fish for themselves" really become daggers that stab them in the back and keep them down? The CEO gave the Lover as our perfect example. He emptied himself, became a servant, as low as he could become and the CEO elevated Him to the place that is above all others. I think so many times we are trying to make ourselves a place instead of taking the path of humility. At least that's what our culture tells us to do.

Lover, Give us eyes to see and ears to hear the truth. Forgive us for our ideals which fly in the face of your principles. Forgive us for the hurt we cause others day in and out by our ignorance, our arrogance and insensitivity. Bless the humble workers. The millions who day in and out serve us. May we learn from them and find joy and life in the most menial of tasks and realize that our worth is not in what we do or a title or a job, but in You.

O Woe is me!

A friend of mine posted this and it blew me away.



During the first half, I kept saying: "Lord, help her". During the second half, I kept saying: "Lord, help me".

I have such miniscule views, such limited insight, so many stilted perceptions, so much judgement. Help me Lord.

Here is an article on this amazing woman, with courage to explain her life to many of us who do not even deserve an explanation. But I am thankful that she showed me how little I comprehend.

How often have I judged others or thought lesser of them because they are older, "weaker", younger, mentally or physically "handicapped", less educated, more educated, or generally different from me? It makes me realize all the more how very precious every single one of us are in the eyes of the CEO. The Lover said He came for those who are sick, not those who are well. That is a good thing for me I suppose, because it seems every day I discover more and more how very ill I am.

our not so "good news"

Anonymous- who is welcome to remain anon as long as he/she likes in my opinion and should feel safe to comment at will here (hint hint)- ahem, has asked a very good question that has been running around in my head lately.

Do you think that sometimes we try too hard to establish a relationship? Do you want to be her friend or are you looking to change her?

Here is the crux of the matter. I think so often in our church history and in my personal history, we've swapped out the "great commandments" with the "great commission". The Lover told us the heart of the matter is to love God and love others, but instead we act like the most important thing is to make disciples and not really disciples of the Lover, but of ourselves and not really disciples (I mean that would mean getting close) we'd rather just make "converts" a nice word for getting someone dunked or prayed for or speaking in tongues or "attending church" (whatever your definition of conversion is) so that we can feel like we've "done our part".

I Cor. 13 has been a real slap in the face to me of late. The first part sounds awesome: if I can speak in the tongues of men and angels, if I can prophesy, if I can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, if I have faith to move mountains, if I give all I possess to the poor- I would love to have even a bit of any one of those and lots would be better. But it says if I have all that but NOT LOVE- I am an IRRITATING NUISANCE, I AM NOTHING, I GAIN NOTHING. Well, that about hits it all. Aren't we trying to convert so that we can shine, so that we can BE SOMEONE, so that we can GAIN God's favor? I know that is what is in my heart much of the time.

What if we rewrote Jesus' stories the way we actually think? The Good Samaritan takes care of the robbed man and (what we think Jesus must have left out) tells the man the plan of salvation, gives him a tract, explains to him a better way to live... Is that not how we act? How I act?

And yet, He does tell us to make disciples of HIM. He also says that being a friend is sharing all that the Father has revealed to Him (John 15:15). I don't think we can be true friends without sharing the abundant life the Lover freely offers.

All of that to say that I don't know how to reconcile the disparities between how the Lover wants me to live, act, think and the religion that propels me to ruin (myself and others).

Anon- I'd love to hear your perspective and receive your counsel... and any others (including all other anons, and Miller and Agent B too ;)

menagerie

MJ has been on my mind lately. We have been meeting for a couple of years as I've tried to help her with her reading. She wants to improve, but seems to find a thousand excuses from week to week, so instead of meeting once a week it becomes more like once a month, which is frustrating at times and a welcome reprieve at others, when I have things going on. But I keep wondering what the Lover would have me do. I think there are other issues behind the excuses, like it's hard, inconvenient, work, humiliating??? I left a message a few days ago saying I didn't know if we should keep trying to meet. She replied back with a message that she's sorry she's just been sick a lot and will try to call when she's better. She does seem to have weird sickness deals, she also has stayed up all night on the phone deals, or am helping the neighbor deals. Lover, direct us in this.

Went to see Big Buddy at the hospital. He was in the worst shape I've ever seen him. When I walked in, he was trying to get himself out of bed (with IV and amputated limb and all). He kept arguing with me and his niece about locking away his second remote controle (he thought he was at home), wanted to know where his knife was and was so utterly confused it was scary. The nurse said it was the effects of the morphine and they were getting him off it and giving him other pain meds. His niece suggested reading the bible to him, but that didn't calm him down and neither did lunch- he didn't want any of it and hasn't been able to keep foods down yet in any case. What did help were the kids. I could put AO2 in his face and he'd be like himself saying how beautiful she was and cooing at her and trying to make her smile. He was concerned that AO1 was getting stuck in a chair (he wasn't), but yesterday said something like: "that child coming in here, looked like he brought the spirit back in me".

I've been praying about Jessie. I saw her at the Sanford's bbq and she was obviously upset, but she said she just had something in her eyes (yeah, they're called tears). I told her that day and called her to tell her if she needed to talk I was here. This morning I had thought of calling her to go to the park with me, but then another friend called me first. I kept wondering if I had been supposed to call Jessie instead. The Spirit is so much better than I in orchestrating these things, 'cause she called today out of the blue, so we're meeting tomorrow. Help me Lover to be a true friend to her. It's hard hanging out with Jessie and so many in her culture. Making conversation is often so strained. I've joked with her that I can do both parts of our talks...

Agent Wife: What are you doing?
Jessie: nothing
AW: How was your day?
Jessie: OK
AW: What are you going to do tomorow?
Jessie: nothing
AW: What are your desires/ hopes/ dreams? (I didn't ask it like this, but have brought it up through conversation before)
Jessie: I dunno
AW: Could anything possibly be more boring than this conversation?
Jessie: maybe
(last question was voiced repeatedly in my head)

lost sheep pursued

Being a friend to Princess has not been a particularly rewarding experience for oh, the last 3 years or so. Since she entered the teen years and slightly before, she has become aloof and very unappreciative. She does not seem excited to see me or have a part in my life or me in hers, however every time I've asked or if anyone else has asked if she'd like to terminate the match (through BBBS, Big Brothers, Big Sisters), she replies in her very cool demeanor, "no". Many people have tried to discourage me from continuing on with her, from family to the case worker at the juvenile "correction" center to the very same BBBS organization that hooked us up in the first place.

I've wondered the same myself. Doesn't it say to shake the dust off our feet and move on or that bewildering "cast not your pearls before swine" scripture, which if I want to interpret religiously and so find a loophole out of this "unfulfilling" relationship, I could.

But as I prayed for her one day, begging the Lover to pursue Princess relentlessly and to never give up on her, I felt Him answer back to me why should He if I don't. So I write, never hearing a reply. My heart weeps every time my son calls out her name. My ego is broken every time I face the empty mail box. And I hope and hope and hope and hope that somehow my love will make a difference. There are no outward signs that it will, but for this one promise: love conquers all.

Big Buddy

Agent B has shared about our dear friend Big Buddy (Obi-wan) who is being daily taunted by the scalpel. He's scheduled for a leg amputation. I can not imagine what that would be like. I also know that he is in so much pain that he just wants it gone. His only fear is that the pain from the leg being gone will match or surpass the pain from his foot's infection.

Other pains are showing their ugly faces and I'm not sure how we are to deal with them. I really believe Big Buddy is loving having his niece and son here with him through all of this and some great healing has occurred between father and son- praise be to the Lover who has answered this prayer. We've kept our distance to let the family be together, plus we are just not sure how we all fit. I imagine it would be hard to see strangers who obviously love your dad and are loved by him when all your life you've received harsh words and actions from him. We just got to see another side of him. Meanwhile, we have found the family difficult because they are the worst listeners I've ever met and at times belittling to us. I thought Big Buddy was oblivious to this since it's his family, but he is frustrated. He wants them to think like he thinks, to act how he would have them act, to be more like him.

I think we are all like that. Even when we hate things in ourselves, we really deep down think we are right, we have the answers. At least, that's how I feel so much of the time and am not sure how to get out of this warped idea of myself- except I guess to shut up and listen. To learn from others and most of all watch for the ways of the Lover in all situations.

I'm not sure how we are to be in this place and time, except that we are to love unconditionally, no matter how different others are or act or talk. May I be compassionate and understanding and giving and forgiving here and now.

Lover, give Big Buddy peace. Peace in his body and with his relatives and friends.