Misty's grief

I haven't mentioned May or her daughter Misty in a long, long time. I never know when I'll hear or run into them. Like many of our former friends from the Izzy days, it's hard to keep track of them, since they move at least once a year and often change phone numbers. May will call from time to time to give me an update on her family or will just stop by the house. The other night, she was on my mind, so I was surprised when she called the next day. I told her I'd thought of her and she said "really?- last night you say?", then I ask about her grandkids- Misty's boys, and she says: "that's why I called, we lost the youngest last night".

May and her daughter had gone out and left the boys with a 17 year old cousin. The cousin had called saying the baby (3.5 months) was fussy. Misty told her to lay him on his belly and pat his back and he'd go back to sleep. She did and found him dead an hour later. There was a lot of blood coming out of his nose, and an autopsy is being conducted- but no matter what comes from this, it will not bring back this baby.

Pray that they will not be crushed by their grief, but that the Lover will meet them in the midst of their pain-- that spiritual life will come from this, that the comforter will become more real to them than they have ever known.
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Meanwhile, Isaiah has come out of his surgery well. He is getting fitted for a hearing aid today and will have the cochlear fully functioning next month.

The amazing thing is that Tighe (Isaiah's mom) was praying that she would meet someone who had had an implant before the surgery. Her prayers were answered in an incredible way. She took the kids out to a play date at Fort Imagination park. This was the first time she took the kids out by herself apart from church. While there, she sees a man with the implant. She introduced him to Isaiah and asked him about it. He went deaf at age 21 and got the implant at age 28. His talking was clear and unlike that of a hearing impaired person. He said his cousin was the first person to receive the implant in the US. His family all have them since they have a degenerative disease and all lose their hearing. She asked what things sounded like with it and he explained that at first it was aweful- sounded like aliens, but after 2 weeks it all changed and that she sounded like a southern belle to him now. From what Tighe said the brain translates the sounds and I guess gives voice sounds to people. He is a teacher and doesn't even live in Abilene, but stopped at the park with his kids to let them play as they were on a road trip!!

So that gave her a lot of peace going into the surgery.

A whole other world

Mbamie was telling me how freaked out her son was when she had her second child. He screamed and threw fits at the hospital and when she came home. I would have too. They don't inform or prepare their children in any way for the arrival of the next child. In fact they don't tell anyone really. I told her I thought this was crazy. Several people have offered to do a baby shower for her and she needs baby stuff- she doesn't have anything since her last child is 5 years old and was born in Africa. But she has refused having a baby shower thus far. So I asked her what they did back in Africa.

She explained to me that their culture is not like here. The is a lot of witchcraft and sorcery. People often wish evil of others- even family members, especially of anyone who seems to be advancing or doing well in life. She told me that there are potions they can give you to make you lose the baby. So, in order to protect the baby, the mother will not announce to anyone that she is expecting. When she is very obviously pregnant, and someone comments that she is pregnant, she denies it saying only that she has gained weight. Then when the baby is born, the baby does not leave the house for 3 months. The mother can get out, but not the baby. At the end of 3 months, there is a going out party- saying that the baby can now leave the home.

It would be so stressful to live like that! Imagine not having friends celebrate the new life within, of being fearful of those around you, of not being able to talk or share in the journey that is pregnancy.

While no one is out to get her or her baby here, Mbamie has had troubling news from the Dr. I am not at liberty to say what it is, even on this anonymous blog, I would feel as though I had betrayed her confidence if I wrote of it, but just be in prayer for her. She is very anxious about it and has difficult pregnancies anyways.

I was very thankful I got to go with her to the appointment. It was almost like it was meant to be that at least I was there. Her husband had to go to work, so she was going to go solo, but my work week was changed for just that week and agent B happened to be free that morning, so I volunteered to take her and translate again. She had to have a sonogram, then her OBGYN met with her and gave her the bad news, then she had to go get more blood work done for further tests. I had told the DRs that I can't normally make it to her appointments, since they only do them on Mon. and Tues. and I work those days, but they told me if I could come, they would go along with whatever schedule I could give them! I have been really impressed with her OBGYN, he has been gentle and compassionate.

Princess's lack of social skills

Princess has a really hard time socially. Especially with people who are not in her "hood realm". She is basically on house arrest, so I have to go to her to see her and we can't go anywhere private. She has never been comfortable with me in her home and has no idea how to start or keep a conversation going. There are always others around and they are the ones who ask or answer questions or make comments.

This visit, I brought the kids. Princess' nieces and nephews were so excited we came and were bouncing all over the place over us being there. The only little girl is maybe half a year younger than my daughter and it was obvious that she wanted to make friends, but didn't know how. She tried sharing a chip with my daughter and sat right up next to her, but then she started to pull my daughter's hair, pinch or hit. Each time I'd take her hand away and say "no". Meanwhile Princess decided it was funny and laughed and laughed. I finally told her that her laughing was making the little want to do it more. Her parents were telling her that it wasn't funny too.

But I remembered immediately an incident when Princess was in about 3rd grade. She had cussed out a teacher and I took her mom to go and get her. When they got home, Princess' mom told everyone how Princess had cussed out the teacher and they all laughed and laughed. Now she is doing the same inappropriate behavior. I feel so bad for the kids. By not learning how to act with others, they are headed down the same path of frustration, anger and loneliness.

Pray that I'll have discernment in my relationship with her. She really acts like she doesn't want me around and I need to know what is best for her and us. I am one of the few people in her life that can show her that life doesn't have to be how she has always known it- chaotic, crime ridden, stagnant.
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On another note, Meshell called me today. They are in the process of moving again. They move at least once a year- which is formidable since they neither have a car or phone. She was at someone else's house and was waiting for her brother's girlfriend to get off work and take them to the old house to move some things today. She asked me to go get her mail and bring it to her. I asked her why she couldn't wait until the girlfriend took her there. She told me she didn't want someone taking the mail before she could get it. I learn so much by her being in my life. That would have never been a concern of mine, but for some it is their reality.

Princess

I finally got to see Princess at her home! I had wanted to go get her last weekend, but she said she had to get approval from her probation officer first and it being a long weekend, she couldn't be reached. Then she found out when she saw her during the week that she is on level 3 meaning that she can't go anywhere. So I went to her place. It was weird as always when I'm at her place. She didn't really visit or talk with me. When her sister was there, she talked some since her sister is very social and helped her with relational cues like: tell her what you learned at TYC... Then Princess told me how she learned to manage her anger and not yell at the kids that then she can not build relationship with them. She also said that she already has 21 credits toward graduating and the only thing she lacks in her history credit. I'm not sure how all that happened because she has difficulties with simple reading and math, unless she has made quantum leaps in learning since I've helped her with school type work. But she excitedly talks about how TYC will pay for 2 years of going to the community college here and of wanting to get her life on track. I told her I'd keep her to her promise of opening up to me and that I'd visit her at her home until we could go out together. At the end she was watching some smut TV and I told her I may as well go home. Agent B reminded me that she hasn't seen tv much in the last couple of years, so it is an alluring vortex for her to be sucked into.

my uncle

Thank you for your prayers for my uncle. Please continue to pray for him. The posts have been removed due to sensitivity. Thank you for praying and for your concern. Wisdom and timeliness are of the essence right now.

She's HOME!

Yesterday was a marathon day. I thought I'd be an hour or two at the doctor's with Mbamie and her husband for their first OBGYN appointment, but it took forever. The paperwork was of course atrocious, so that was the first delay. Mbamie can not really read or write much on top of the language barrier, so just to write her name, date and address takes a very long time, so I ended up just filling pages out for her. When we got to see the nurse, she couldn't find the heartbeat, then they had problems reaching her cervix and thought she could be dilating early. I lost count of how many sonograms in 3 different buildings that she had, but it was somewhere around 10, some of which were very painful. It was pretty bad. I thought I was going to pass out by the last ones since we had missed lunch and it was dragging on in these little rooms with more people than the room is meant for. But the good thing is that everything is fine. The specialist finally confirmed that she is not dilating. She has lost a baby soon after birth and had 3 c-sections, so they are going to watch her closely to make sure she and baby are well. Everyone was very kind and I was so glad I was able to go. First of all, it would have been so hard without translation help, second they didn't have to face all the scares by themselves, third, I got to see them see sonogram video and pictures of their baby for their first time ever (they never had sonograms in Africa). The medical personnel were all very nice. It was a good thing Agent B didn't have work that day. The plan was that he would watch our two a couple of hours and I would keep them and the extras the rest of the day. Agent B got dumped with all 4 kids when the 2 hours became 6 hours!
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I just got off the phone with Princess- she is home!!! She is so excited and hanging out with all her family tonight- aunts, nephews, sisters... May this be the start of a new life for her.

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The Baiers got some bad news today. Isaiah is essentially deaf. He can't hear out of one ear and the other has moderate to severe impairment and is getting worse. They have to make decisions about cochlear implants and face a drastically different life for them and their son. The good thing is that his life was spared and the brain damage seems minimal or even self correcting, but they will have a lot of adjustments to make with the loss of his hearing.

CEO- May your power and Spirit be with all these friends as they go through these major transitions of life. May you give them life and life more abundantly.

another secret agent

We're busting through the status quo of 2 point whatever kids and working on number 3. We're excited. We've always said we'd like 4 so we'll see if we still have energy after this one for another. While we love our two, it just seems like we are meant to have a bigger household. I joke with people that the CEO said to be fruitful and multiply. Having one is downsizing the population, having 2 kids is maintaining, having 3 is adding, so you have to have at least 4 to multiply! ha, ha. Most people I'm sure will seem shocked since we have "our girl and boy"- isn't that the perfect scenario? Not for us. We are excited to know this new little person and welcome him/her into our family and on our journey.