My life has changed quite a bit since we've been back. I started keeping two extra boys (on top of my two), 3 days a week, so I have 2 boys age 3 a 1 1/2 year old girl and a 9 month old boy. Life's a grand adventure and certainly with this mix. Actually, I really think it's from the lover for us and the pay is real good too. The boys are pretty good, but most of all, I am learning a lot about raising kids and loving them and the inadequacies of my heart and life. It's hard not to face the underlying realities of my heart each day when with them. Children seem to demand honesty in us somehow. I am becoming more purposeful in our play and interactions and seeking the Lover more than ever on how to face the day, deal with issues and survive until 5pm.
The part I was most excited about- our "bible time" became the thorn in my spirit, the most difficult time of our day. The Lover showed me that I was trying to get reassurance from old Sunday school rituals instead of letting His Spirit lead the way. I was wanting to get my energetic foursome to sit, listen or discuss- to feast on a huge stale meal, while the Lord has instead been imparting perfectly timed, meaningful treasures in small bite sized pieces.
I'm not sure if it would interest anyone out there for me to share these treasures, but if they can benefit anyone- I'll start posting them. I love how these guys are taking hold of them. My oldest is age 3, so that and under is kind of the age they may be good for.
Tott's treasures, vol.1
I've never been crazy about the song "rock-a-bye-baby", so I made new words to the same tune:
Rock-a-bye baby
In the Lord's arms
With God in control
There are no alarms
Your treasures may break
Your tears, they may fall
But Jesus redeems
Our hopes dreams and all.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Same old, same old
Princess was supposed to get out this past week, but alas she did not. I don't know all the reasons why because my only source for information is her mom- who never knows much of anything. I'm not sure if she has much contact with case workers and such or questions the system, her progress... Not to sound harsh, but I think she is comfortable with princess in the system, because then she is not held responsible at all for her. Mom seems to just get info from princess and princess' information is always spotty at best. I can't blame mom in any way. I think she was very poorly equipped for raising children, not having been raised very well herself and is kind of slow about things. It's a delicate balance. All three of her children (Princess included) knows that she is smarter than her mom and has abused that advantage in many ways and in a way laughed behind her back about it, but of course would be horrified and stand up to anyone who would suggest their mom is slow.
When I got back to the Fair Mother city, Jessie joined me on a short walk and I asked about her and her boyfriend. She said they were looking to buy a house. A week and a half later, she and her friend came with Frieda to Agent B's birthday party and I asked how the house looking was going. She informed me that they broke up again, that she moved back in with her mom (her friend came too). She said the reason was that her boyfriend took off for 3 days and nights and didn't even tell her where or anything. This is the pattern. This is the same reason every time that she breaks up with him. She's been keeping a couple of boys in the day and so have I (3 days a week), so we don't get to see each other as much as we used to. She doesn't hang out as much when she has a friend staying with her too. I'm not even sure how all to pray for her- it all just seems so depressing to me, but I know that the Lover would have so much more for her, instead of all the zig zag and boredom. I can see where our riches have really stolen a lot of life from us: in North America, it seems like people are either over busy or bored. A lot of people receiving disability or government checks tell me how bored they are. Lover- light her fire for you and may she discover the gifts, the abilities, the dreams you've placed in her heart. May Jessie, her friend and Princess become radiant in wholeness in you, find joy, meaning and life in you. Awaken their imaginations to what their lives could be.
When I got back to the Fair Mother city, Jessie joined me on a short walk and I asked about her and her boyfriend. She said they were looking to buy a house. A week and a half later, she and her friend came with Frieda to Agent B's birthday party and I asked how the house looking was going. She informed me that they broke up again, that she moved back in with her mom (her friend came too). She said the reason was that her boyfriend took off for 3 days and nights and didn't even tell her where or anything. This is the pattern. This is the same reason every time that she breaks up with him. She's been keeping a couple of boys in the day and so have I (3 days a week), so we don't get to see each other as much as we used to. She doesn't hang out as much when she has a friend staying with her too. I'm not even sure how all to pray for her- it all just seems so depressing to me, but I know that the Lover would have so much more for her, instead of all the zig zag and boredom. I can see where our riches have really stolen a lot of life from us: in North America, it seems like people are either over busy or bored. A lot of people receiving disability or government checks tell me how bored they are. Lover- light her fire for you and may she discover the gifts, the abilities, the dreams you've placed in her heart. May Jessie, her friend and Princess become radiant in wholeness in you, find joy, meaning and life in you. Awaken their imaginations to what their lives could be.
Friday, January 18, 2008
eye drops and fried fish
I've been at Obi-wan's (Big Buddy's) about every night this week. He is supposed to be getting eye drops in his eyes 3 times a day, so B goes in the morning and I go at night when B is bathing the kids. He could get his nurse to do the third time, but refuses to remind her, saying it's her job to think of these things. I told him it's his eyes that will be affected and not hers- but he's a stubborn man. It has been really nice to be there without my two kids causing constant distraction and mayhem- the tv does enough of that. Big Buddy keeps it several decibels louder than his voice, so I have to sit real close to him and pay attention, but when I do- oh the stories I hear.
The sad stories are the ones some 80 years old or so where he has grudges or unforgiveness. Then there are the beauties where he laments this or that and confesses to have done likewise, then there are the real gems where he explains to me how to slaughter a pig. I found out that the tenderloin meat is from the spine of the pig. Big Buddy has a dream that he can teach me to slaughter and cut up a hog. He got a great laugh when he saw the disgust on my face. He said it would be so fun. I said it sounded horrid. He corrected me saying it would be educational.
He told me how he never got to go to school much, only when it rained and he trudged through a mile of mud- no one else showed up because the mud was too bad, but Big Buddy was desperate to learn, so he went. Right now he is looking forward to being able to read his bible again. He said he hasn't been able to read it in years due to the cataracts and now that his eyes are getting well, he'll have new glasses made and be able to read again.
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MJ called to set up reading again, but I told her I just couldn't. I need my 2 with my kids after keeping 2 extra boys 3 days a week. She asked if I could make her up 6 months of homework and I told her I couldn't do that either. MJ and I have been meeting for years, but she is horribly inconsistent and when I made her homework, she wouldn't do it. I felt so bad telling her no, but told her she could use the old homework I had made for her and the books we had. I felt that I had failed her somehow, but she doesn't look at it like that, because she called me a little while later to update me on her physical ailments- she just found out she has type 2 diabetes. MJ has been so generous to my kids and I hope we will still be able to be friends at some level- even if it's just by praying for each other or running into each other.
The sad stories are the ones some 80 years old or so where he has grudges or unforgiveness. Then there are the beauties where he laments this or that and confesses to have done likewise, then there are the real gems where he explains to me how to slaughter a pig. I found out that the tenderloin meat is from the spine of the pig. Big Buddy has a dream that he can teach me to slaughter and cut up a hog. He got a great laugh when he saw the disgust on my face. He said it would be so fun. I said it sounded horrid. He corrected me saying it would be educational.
He told me how he never got to go to school much, only when it rained and he trudged through a mile of mud- no one else showed up because the mud was too bad, but Big Buddy was desperate to learn, so he went. Right now he is looking forward to being able to read his bible again. He said he hasn't been able to read it in years due to the cataracts and now that his eyes are getting well, he'll have new glasses made and be able to read again.
___________________________
MJ called to set up reading again, but I told her I just couldn't. I need my 2 with my kids after keeping 2 extra boys 3 days a week. She asked if I could make her up 6 months of homework and I told her I couldn't do that either. MJ and I have been meeting for years, but she is horribly inconsistent and when I made her homework, she wouldn't do it. I felt so bad telling her no, but told her she could use the old homework I had made for her and the books we had. I felt that I had failed her somehow, but she doesn't look at it like that, because she called me a little while later to update me on her physical ailments- she just found out she has type 2 diabetes. MJ has been so generous to my kids and I hope we will still be able to be friends at some level- even if it's just by praying for each other or running into each other.
Monday, January 14, 2008
new perspectives
I was getting ready for my swim aerobics when an elderly lady with a walker says to me "oh to have a body like that!" I was just thinking how I needed to loose a good 10 to 15 pounds and how out of shape I was with not having exercised for a month through holidays. I told her that and she replied "I'm just skin and bones, be thankful you are so healthy". I never thought of my body as strong and healthy. We are so indoctrinated to see any extra weight or flabbiness as ugly and now I saw it as a sign of being blessed and provided for and young and strong. It gave me a spirit of thanks that I've rarely had over my body.
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I was reading in the book and it said to sell your possessions and give to the poor. I was thinking about what that meant, when later in the day the Sandfords brought xmas gifts to us- little garage sale stuff, candy and cars for AO#1, candy and hair set for AO#2. The neat thing was that I was thinking that AO#2 could use a hand mirror for when I am doing her hair and these neighbors with so little just give of what they have or can acquire- always thinking of others. I want to be more like that.
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We took the kids to a museum and at one point AO#1 starting screaming with joy "bum bums, bum bums!" There were tactfully drawn trapeze artists in all their muscular array and little else (body parts were more suggested than explicit), but it made me realize how freeing it is that sexuality is not some twisted, or shameful thing to children. It's just beauty and they know it. There is nothing complicated or hidden, just an innocent worship and thanks of what is truly magnificent- the human body.
_____________________________________________________________
I was reading in the book and it said to sell your possessions and give to the poor. I was thinking about what that meant, when later in the day the Sandfords brought xmas gifts to us- little garage sale stuff, candy and cars for AO#1, candy and hair set for AO#2. The neat thing was that I was thinking that AO#2 could use a hand mirror for when I am doing her hair and these neighbors with so little just give of what they have or can acquire- always thinking of others. I want to be more like that.
_______________________________________________________________
We took the kids to a museum and at one point AO#1 starting screaming with joy "bum bums, bum bums!" There were tactfully drawn trapeze artists in all their muscular array and little else (body parts were more suggested than explicit), but it made me realize how freeing it is that sexuality is not some twisted, or shameful thing to children. It's just beauty and they know it. There is nothing complicated or hidden, just an innocent worship and thanks of what is truly magnificent- the human body.
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