Womb memories

I had read somewhere that if asked early enough (before age 3 or so) a child could remember and describe their experience in the womb. As the child grows older, these first memories fade away. I've asked AO1 several times if he remembers being in mommy's tummy. He always replies "yes", but I've never understood his attempts to explain until last night. He explained that:

"I hear your heart. It was very dark. We're going. Tunnel. Stay a long time. There's my feet. Had to turn around"

It was not all in that order necessarily and some of it he repeated. He said "tunnel" several times. When he said "we're going" I recalled how I used to tell him and reassure him that the Holy Spirit was with him in the womb and that when he needed to leave that he should have peace and just follow the Holy Spirit out and cooperate with what my body was doing. I also prayed all of that over him. So that may explain the "we".

Also, after he said "there's my feet", he told me he wanted the sheet on his feet, so I'm not sure if that was a memory or in the present- although in the present, his feet were under the cover and he couldn't see them nor was he touching them.

Powerful eh? It gave us shivers.

Clubbing along

Again I asked the CEO to send whoever is supposed to be at our backyard club this week. One helper (who brought kids last week) forgot about it. My other two helpers (Jessie and her homeless friend- Elizabeth) showed up to help, but no kids- so I sent them up and down the block to round them up. They found Jenny- no answers at the other doors. This is supremely weird because the rest of the week the block is swarming with kids from our block and others, but Sat. morning must be sleep time. However, since it's the only time agent B can keep our two kids, that's the time we've got.

While Jenny had a lot of fun and said that she wanted us to keep doing it even if few or no one else comes, I think this week was all about Elizabeth. We were discussing art and how creating can help us deal with difficult situations. We read about a boy who had to flee his war torn country and was adjusting to life in America. I realized that Elizabeth had a lot in common with this uprooted child. She too is young, torn away from home, family, all that she has known. But she is also all alone. She has to figure out how to live, where, how she'll get food, safety, her necessities... She has enjoyed a few days at her friend Jessie's but has found her boyfriend (who is fleeing immigration officers) and is about to go shack up with him again.

At one point, I asked everyone if they were a color what color would they be. Elizabeth said she'd be black, so that she could hide in the dark and so that no one would see her. When she was stressed out, she could be alone with no one to mess with her and try to figure out what she needs to do and make decisions.

We looked at paintings in my home. We discussed Kat's paintings (that she has generously lent us). They tied in beautifully with our story (see Sudan painting and Pieta on her wed page http://web.mac.com/katrinawillis/iWeb/Site/Artist%20Statement.html). Then we discussed a copy of a painting we have of Jesus with poor German children. I explained that there was a lot of controversy over the painting since the artist painted Jesus as a real man (not floating above humanity all holy and separate- as his contemporaries painted Jesus) and in this rendition, Jesus was with poor kids- another radical idea for the day. Elizabeth got very animated at this point saying how wrong it was that people thought this painting was so wrong. She argued that Jesus is for everyone, that He can be with us at any time or place and that we can all be near Him.

I can see in her eyes and her ways that she is deeply hurt and lonely, struggling through deep issues few face, certainly not at her age. May the Lover be her family, her dad, mom and sibling, her love, her friend, her safety, her protector, her light in the darkness.

last week

Funerals are always sad. Funerals for people who die early really suck. Funerals for people who die early, violently are even worse. It's so surreal, but it's real, it's true. That is what Princess kept grappling with Sunday- what do you mean? Are you serious? Did it really happen? Luz's quasi sister (her niece that grew up with her) told me she was awakened Friday morning to someone telling her Luz was dead and she said "shut up, that's not even funny".

The funeral started with an 80%white youth choir singing to an 80% mixed minority audience. They sang "friends are friend forever". They barely moved their lips, some sang as they wiped tears, they were stone faced, totally devoid of joy. The church was packed. No one really knows how interconnected they are, how their life is such an important part of a larger community until that life is gone. Family, teachers, neighbors, librarian, BigBrothersBigSisters coordinator, schoolmates, acquaintances... came to show support to the family and say goodbye.

I got to sit with Princess' family, behind the immediate family- which was extensive (from here and Mexico). The youth pastor gave a message and shared also that Luz had given her life to Jesus at some point. I'm not here to judge and I am thankful that God is more gracious than I, but sometimes I wonder when at funerals, there seems to always be a need to explain or prove how the person did "make it" into heaven. It makes us feel better if basically everyone makes it.

The most profound message came from two sisters. They read some letters people had given them, then shared from their hearts... "Cherish your family, your friends, hug them, love them, tell them you love them, because you never know how long you will have and you can't go back once they are gone."

We were the last to file by the body before the family was left alone with Luz. Princess' mom lost it. She was screaming: "We love you Kissy" and crying uncontrollably. Princess' mom helped raise Luz since they lived across the street from each other and her and Princess were the same age.

May this family and all those affected by this terrible loss find the Peace that passes understanding. May this beautiful seed of life that fell to the ground bring forth life for others. May some change their ways, their path to destruction, may others give more, love more, connect more. May we all build each other up, our friends, our family, the lonely kid on the block, the bully. Because we are all linked and a life zapped out before her prime affects us all.

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Saturday, we had our first week of our backyard fun club. In light of the tragedy in loosing Luz, I felt that this club was especially important. Through it we have met kids on the street and earned the trust of their parents so that they visit throughout the year.

Jessie came to help, but had to leave when she got a call that her homeless friend was stranded here, back in town. MJ also came bringing 2 girls. No one else came. Part of me was angry since I'd gotten so much prepared, not to mention my pride was hurt, and I was a little embarrassed- because in our society to be a success is to have numbers and lots of activity. Then I remembered how I'd prayed that whoever needed to be there would be there, how timely it was that MJ called just as I was starting up the group and said she was interested (we hadn't seen each other in nearly a year), how we got to really talk and have a lot of fun too with a couple of sweet girls. I pray they will have a bright future. I pray their life will not end in tragedy or be riddled with the identity issues Luz struggled through. I pray they will feel loved and know acceptance and friendship. I pray the time we spent together made a difference for them. For even if we only brought a smile, or relief to the monotony of the week- we have succeeded. For what value could just a cold cup of water have on a life? Only the Lord knows.

breaking the news

I got to go see Princess. It was a sad/glad thing. I've been meaning to go see her for a while, but when her friend was killed, I knew I needed to take her parents so they could give her the news. In a way I'm glad she is where she is when she heard because she will have lots of people she can talk to and sort out her feelings. She was likely to go ballistic if she was out and this occurred. I'm hoping she will finally open up and maybe we can start talking about the deep things. I think it helps that we are both going through grief (I lost my first nephew in Nov.) We have some common ground in this although the circumstances were vastly different.

She was only allowed 2 visitors at a time, so her mom and step dad went first and gave her the news. I'm glad she hadn't seen it on the TV or in the paper first and that she got to hear it from loved ones. Then I swapped places with her step dad. She made a bunch of lame excuses why she hadn't written and promised to write- we'll see. The important thing is that we were able to be there and tell her and that I know my love for her and letters do make her face light up. She was recounting everything I wrote with smiles and saying how it brought her joy and laughter.

I got to know Princess' mom and step dad a lot better on the drive as they recounted their memories of the victim (which they were like parents to). Stepdad gave a couple of sermonettes on the way there and back. His first one was about giving and helping others out even if they don't appreciate it. One of their fondest memories was taking their and the victim's family to six flags and having a total blast and taking them shopping. They came into some money and totally spent it on the two households. Most middle class people would call that foolish. If you have a few grand- get ahead (pay off debt, buy a home, get a much needed car). The poor have a different philosophy- throw a party, help others, splurge and do things we've never had a chance to do- it's about being together, making memories, showing love.

There's a parable about investing in the eternal. That trip to six flags was pouring love into the kids and another household as they knew best. It was putting the needs of others above their own. It was living like today was all that mattered. It was Jesus type extravagance.

The second sermon he gave was about right living and how the Lord will come when we least expect it. I find it totally ironic when people give sermonettes about things they are not living. I think this gets real strong when the "church" person is in the vicinity (haven't gone in years and will always be seen as the church person- sometimes that is good, mostly I think it's bad. People won't be real and become religious for the church person, but sometimes when they really want to deal with spiritual things, they'll come to us first).

Apparently Princess is doing good there in her school work. She's started the GED process and is now in 9th grade work, which is amazing since she was only in 7th last summer.

Jessie- the human yo-yo

Jessie is back home. She's kinda been home and been leaving since she graduated in 2005. Leaving invariably entails a boyfriend she's moving in with. The latest one has been messing around, so she moved back home. Then he moved in there (next door to us). Their plan was to make another go of it. The day they moved, Jessie left him. Two days later she went back. She came home again a day later. I never know if she's coming or going. None of this is new to her mom Frieda. I think this has been the story of her life too. Frieda has tried to explain to Jessie what her boyfriend is up to, but what I'm so impressed in is that she has never ruptured her relationship with her daughter even if she disagrees with her choices- to the point of letting the boyfriend move in with them. I'm not sure how healthy all that is, but I do know that Jessie could have very easily ended up on the streets these last couple of years, like so many of her friends- but instead she knows she always has a home to come to.

Jessie keeps leaving because she doesn't like the fighting. She keeps coming back because she is accepted, cared for and welcomed.

Life at our neighbor's is very different when Jessie is not there. She is the youthfulness and vitality. When she is there, the cousins often come to play with her all day. She is the one in the pool, the one dragging everyone else to play volleyball, the one taking kids to the park. She's also the homeless teen magnet- always hanging out with some other misfit, slow or homeless teen. She brings acceptance and love to many people, but she herself is unsettled.

I wrote the above post yesterday. Today we found out that one of Princess' old neighbors was shot last night in her home. She was 16 years young with all of life ahead of her, stopped by a bullet. She was found by a sister who lived with her. Another sister who raised them (and lives on an adjoining lot) told me she was killed by her boyfriend, that she was going to break up with him and that he'd threatened to kill her if she left him.

When I drove up into the driveway at home, Jessie and Frieda came out to talk to me asking if I'd been to the victim's house. Jessie already heard through friends about it being the result of a jealous boyfriend (although this has not been made official or reported in the media). She said that her friends were warning her that she would be next and confessed that her boyfriend has told her the same thing- that if she goes out with anyone else he'd kill her.

There are so many roots to this problem, but one of them is most definitely a lack of a true father to these teens. So many girls can't even imagine a different life than what they have seen generationally and live socially.

Lord bring comfort, peace, love and guidance to this family and to Jessie and so many others in the community affected by this tragic end to a beautiful young girl.

The Happy Ones

I facilitate a water aerobics class for pregnant women- it's my free ticket into the Y and a fun outing, not to mention a little chump change that pays for diapers. I was also offered a class for MHMR clients (Mental Health Mental Retardation). We've had it several weeks now. It's fun, they're fun. They almost always have smiles and are bubbling with excitement. One man from class is passionate about arc welding- I have no clue what it is, but every class he tells me he loves arc welding. He also tells me (about every 3rd exercise) that whatever exercise we are doing is his FAVORITE! Many of them just love being in the water and in the middle of jumping jacks or arm lifts will dunk themselves under or splash the nearest person just for fun.

Tonight I asked them to share their favorite part of today. Almost every single one of them said their favorite thing today was work. Very few people would consider the work they do as thrilling. One takes out groceries at Albertsons, several work at the State School (an institution for severe MHMR clients), others do yard work...

We don't hear that every day, or from everyone, so unanimously, so enthusiastically. I have so much to learn from them... the happy ones.