Tomorrow we have invited friends to come to our home to speak words of blessing, promise, hope, goodness, prophecy, love... over AO#3. We would love for you to share in this celebration with us by writing a message for AO#3. These will be spoken over her not only now, but throughout her growing years. We believe in the power of our words and that the messages spoken to her from heaven and from our hearts/soul/minds will have a great influence on her. Feel free to post a message here or e-mail me at:
secretagentwife@gmail.com
We are excited to know who our daughter is and are full of joy for her future with us and in the world. We know that she is so very precious and that it is a huge privilege for us to be able to speak life and love over her.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
chewed out
I went over to my neighbor's to give them an invitation to our baby's dedication party and was met with fierce anger. "I could have killed your damn dog! She attacked me and Sammy (his lap dog)" "my dog? Are you sure it was my dog?" "yes, your damn dog that always snarls and barks at me!" "what happened?" "Your damn dog jumped on me and went after Sammy" (He is shaking with rage) "I am so sorry that happened. We don't let her out, but we noticed that the kids had left the gate open last week" "sorry is not good enough!" He pointed at me and yelled more damn this and damn that (damn is his favorite word). His anger was poisonous as I felt anger come up in me. "what do you want me to do, put her down? I'm sorry this happened and know what it's like to have a dog come out and attack" (we had a pit bull bite at our dog's neck down our street when we were on a walk once). I kept saying I was sorry and he kept shouting at me. I wanted to march out with my invitation, but felt like I was to stay and infuse calmness in the home, so I listened and apologized and sympathized.
I discovered that most likely our dog had jumped up on him and barked at him and sniffed his dog from his wife's description, but when she said that he came back shaking, I realized that the biggest affront was that our dog had scared him. I felt this in my spirit. He is 85 years old and while he is hefty looking I know that he doesn't walk much even and hates growing old. I talked with his wife for quite a while as we shared stories of times stray dogs had followed us or given us fear and I apologized some more and gave them the invitation.
When I left, I was so upset within myself. The hatred and rage was so palpable. (This neighbor has a lot of hatred and rage on his best days, over everything and anything, so he was really spewing with this). Then I realized what a sad life he lives, with no joy, always cursing the government, the world, only caring about the state of his social security check, damning everything. I was sincerely sorry for what had happened, but there was no forgiveness within him. I have been thanking the CEO that I was chewed out like this because it has reminded me to pray for peace for him- not just in this circumstance, but even more so within his innermost being, with the CEO.
I discovered that most likely our dog had jumped up on him and barked at him and sniffed his dog from his wife's description, but when she said that he came back shaking, I realized that the biggest affront was that our dog had scared him. I felt this in my spirit. He is 85 years old and while he is hefty looking I know that he doesn't walk much even and hates growing old. I talked with his wife for quite a while as we shared stories of times stray dogs had followed us or given us fear and I apologized some more and gave them the invitation.
When I left, I was so upset within myself. The hatred and rage was so palpable. (This neighbor has a lot of hatred and rage on his best days, over everything and anything, so he was really spewing with this). Then I realized what a sad life he lives, with no joy, always cursing the government, the world, only caring about the state of his social security check, damning everything. I was sincerely sorry for what had happened, but there was no forgiveness within him. I have been thanking the CEO that I was chewed out like this because it has reminded me to pray for peace for him- not just in this circumstance, but even more so within his innermost being, with the CEO.
Monday, April 6, 2009
party
Meshell called asking me if I wanted to come to her son's party later in the day. I didn't want to, because I wanted to be selfish and stay home to do ultimately un-important things. Also, I knew her house would be filthy, smell bad and be highly uncomfortable. I asked agent B. what he thought and he suggested I go with AO#1. We walked over- which was awesome, getting one on one time with my son. The weather was perfect. I prepped him in advance saying that the house would smell, but to say nothing about it as that would be rude. He started getting really shy then saying he didn't want to go.
We got there and Meshell and her extended family were so happy we had come. I ended up really enjoying being there. Although we gasped when they opened the door (yes, it smelled that bad). And we eventually found a spot on a dirty couch in a small living area equally filthy and crawling with small roaches. Lots of people from the poverty culture came. They were offered a soda and chili dog that was cooked on a hot plate (they didn't have the gas on because Meshell's brother hadn't paid the bill). The family and friends were so very open, loving and genuine that it was a joy to be with them even on "turf" that we were not necessarily "at home" in.
We were the only ones who had brought a gift, which explained to me why Meshell never brings a gift to our parties. The party is not about expensive gifts, but about being together. Her son's birthday is not actually until the 27th, but they figured they needed to have it at the beginning of the month before their money ran out. I admire them for having people over in their humble circumstances to celebrate life.
We got there and Meshell and her extended family were so happy we had come. I ended up really enjoying being there. Although we gasped when they opened the door (yes, it smelled that bad). And we eventually found a spot on a dirty couch in a small living area equally filthy and crawling with small roaches. Lots of people from the poverty culture came. They were offered a soda and chili dog that was cooked on a hot plate (they didn't have the gas on because Meshell's brother hadn't paid the bill). The family and friends were so very open, loving and genuine that it was a joy to be with them even on "turf" that we were not necessarily "at home" in.
We were the only ones who had brought a gift, which explained to me why Meshell never brings a gift to our parties. The party is not about expensive gifts, but about being together. Her son's birthday is not actually until the 27th, but they figured they needed to have it at the beginning of the month before their money ran out. I admire them for having people over in their humble circumstances to celebrate life.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
letter
The gospel really is not that complicated. The Lover left us with 2 commands... just 2: Love God and love others. This should not be so difficult if it were not for our flesh, our desires, our wants and religion and pride... getting in the way. I heard of a minister who wrote one word on his door that said: others. So I have been trying to simplify the gospel in my life, first of all just taking one day at a time and secondly focusing on others- not necessarily looking for ways to convert or reach out or share, but looking for ways to sincerely love.
Yesterday, I was thinking about Princess and how much I missed her and how she had opened up to me a couple of times in writing, but never really in person and why she didn't want to have relationship anymore. Then the Lover revealed to me that I may have really hurt her with a loose tongue in questioning her sisters about things that had gone on (I found out after that her sisters didn't know about it until I said something). I kept asking the CEO what to do and battled with my flesh which wanted to make up excuses, but I could see that pride and lack of self-control on my part may have really hurt an already beat up friend and ultimately our fragile relationship. I felt like I needed to write her and apologize and release her in my heart to the ultimate lover who can heal all situations and people. So I did.
Yesterday, I was thinking about Princess and how much I missed her and how she had opened up to me a couple of times in writing, but never really in person and why she didn't want to have relationship anymore. Then the Lover revealed to me that I may have really hurt her with a loose tongue in questioning her sisters about things that had gone on (I found out after that her sisters didn't know about it until I said something). I kept asking the CEO what to do and battled with my flesh which wanted to make up excuses, but I could see that pride and lack of self-control on my part may have really hurt an already beat up friend and ultimately our fragile relationship. I felt like I needed to write her and apologize and release her in my heart to the ultimate lover who can heal all situations and people. So I did.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)