a connection?

I realized as we go through these potty issues with AO#1 that these trials may be in answer to my most ardent prayer, or at least may be being used to help answer my prayer. My prayer has been for my children to come into relationship with the CEO, to talk to Him as helper and friend, lean on Him, find strength in Him and know Him... AO#1 has had a definite aversion to talking with the CEO, but through his potty struggles is learning to cry out to the CEO for help and thank Him for each success. This is such a major deal and I realized that I needed to thank the CEO for our trials because they cause us to turn to Him. The potty struggle and insecurities in AO#1 also made me realize how totally ill equipped I am to know how to help him in this and that the CEO alone can guide us and strength us in this. I think this is part of being poor in the spirit. That phrase has always baffled me, but I see how our lack of resources has made me draw closer to the CEO, depend on Him and call out to Him. Then when we have had resources, we are so much more thankful and cognisant of the gift they are (not anything we have done, but real priveleges we enjoy by the grace of the Lover). Likewise, parenting can cause us to see our very real poverty in knowing how to help our kids grow into all they can be. As soon as we seem to have figured out a method or tactic, the child either grows out of it or we have another totally different child who doesn't respond the same way. The only way to possibly come through this mine field intact, with children who are full of love is to turn to the CEO and allow Him to guide the way, for the parent and for the child. Thank-you Lover for our lack that causes us to know that it is not us, to turn from our self-reliance and cast ourselves on your mercy, grace, great love and abundance.

Other praises to the CEO. Meshelle finally got her ID card, so now she can get social security cards for her and her son, as well as a bank card, library card... (all of which were lost/stolen a year ago, so that her life has been in turmoil and stalemates ever since).

Mbamie's tests all come back well, so the initial scares are not affecting her or the baby. However she is in intense pain as her legs and feet have swollen. The sad thing is that she could manage to leave work if it were not for her car payment and she is still 3 + years from finishing with that. America has taught her well. She came in with debt (the government brings refugees over, but makes them pay back their airfare) and now she is being strangled by it. Maybe I can tell her there is a better way. Maybe she could trade it in for something she could pay off now or sooner.

prayers for AO#1 and us

We would appreciate prayers for help in knowing how to guide AO1 through his issues. He has been having troubles with using the potty and has become fearful in many circumstances, plus has comfort issues, like clothing or sweat bothering him. I think that part of this is his personality, but we are trying to help him be able to face situations with confidence or at least peace and be able to join in socially to activities as well as. It has been very stressful on me as I've not known how to assist him and I see him struggling and in torment over things small or more important.

Your prayers for us and him are appreciated.

the wedding

Last weekend we got to experience an "African wedding". I put that in parenthesis because noble attempts were made to make it American, but since all the wedding party and guests were African, their culture shone threw. At the last minute, I was cajoled into translating the affair, much to my dismay. But with much prayer, the CEO rescued the day. When I went to the rehearsal, I discovered that a long time friend was officiating. We'd known him for ages, since I first landed in Abilene, and Agent B since before then. He was likewise relieved to discover that he knew the translator. My ardent prayers were answered when he e-mailed me his sermon, the vows... in English to me. I spent all morning making sure I had an idea of how to translate it, looking up words and even calling the African family to confer and select together the appropriate terms.

The funniest part was that they had an American wedding coordinator trying to make things run smoothly. Americans and Africans have differing ideas as to what is smooth. At the official wedding time, there were only about 10 guests in the chapel- Agent B, my kids and some other white American folk who think weddings start on time. The maid-of-honor hadn't even arrived, the bride and flower girl were there, an hour after their expected arrival. 40 minutes late, the chapel is filling with people and the coordinator tries to launch the wedding. She gets the bridesmaids and groomsmen in place and discovers that the maid-of-honor is not dressed or ready. The maid-of-honor's husband says that she has another 5 minutes to start getting ready. The coordinator goes to the brides dad and brings him in to convince the maid-of-honor that it's time to get dressed.

Finally the processional commences while guests continue to arrive. It's total mayhem. The most beautiful and moving part was when the bride came out. The lively African sounding song had this huge crescendo, the bride walked out on her father's arm, everyone stood and started making these incredible frolicking yells of victory. It was so incredible. I was in tears, trying to compose myself knowing that a couple hundred eyes would soon be turned my way.

Everything went well and without too many problems. Since we were so late, the wedding coordinator tells all the guests to go immediately to the reception instead of waiting several hours as was the original plan. We doddle a bit and show up a little before the original time as the coordinator had said and waited for the next couple of hours for people to show up. Everything was horribly "late", people were hungry, dancers came out sporadically, everyone had changed clothes for the reception as well as the bride- the bride's dresses were gorgeous gowns, the guests wore everything from fancy African outfits, to shimmering gowns, to jeans and t-shirts. The bride wore two or three different gowns at the reception and I later found out had another to wear that she didn't because of time. We left at 10pm since our kids were beyond tired. Mbamie told me she was there until 3am cleaning up. It was lively and beautiful, a real African affair!

An era ended?

Princess and I have been through a lot. We were matched with Big Brothers/Big Sisters when she was 7 and I was just recently married. She is now 16 and I'll celebrate 10 married years this year. She has always been aloof and not very open, although there have been break throughs from time to time. Many people have told me to throw in the towel over the years. But things have been especially strained since she got out of juvenile. She's back home now and not allowed to go places, so I would go to see her and she was always acting like she was uncomfortable with me there. While I was gone, I had hoped that she would call as a sign that she wanted to stay connected- nothing. More than anything, her hoping over to the tv, to a phone or leaving the room was a major hint that it was time to move on. I gave her back her library card that I've kept for her since she was little and we'd get books at the library and told her that I love her and if she ever wants to reconnect, she knows my number. I'm sad to let her go. I hope she will call some day or want to be friends again. Most of all, I hope she is serious or will get serious about her commitment to follow Christ. Her family has such a screwed up theology, it is really frightening. Princess' cousin was murdered recently and Princess said "well, he has his free ticket to heaven". Everyone is talking about how Cheezy was such a wonderful kid and I do hope he made Jesus his Lord, even if it was at the last minute, because he lived a life of drug dealing, car stealing, bullying nonesence. I know that everyone's reaction is their grief and no one ever wants to think the alternative of someone they know, that their life may actually be worse now.

Rosalind, Cheezy's mom has totally gone off the deep end. She is the one who was already struggling since her boyfriend overdosed some months ago. Now she is "on the war path" as her sister (Princess' mom) told me. The police had to drag her out of the street where she had laid down hoping a car would run over her. She picked up little rocks from the yard saying she was going to sell them and get some real rocks to use. She keeps crying out to die. She was in the psych ward for 3 days, but they released her- I'm not sure why.

Meanwhile her daughter, who is only 21 has had to do all the funeral arrangements and raise money for that and is not working like crazy trying to get money for a tombstone and keep her mom from committing suicide.

Princess has a ring that Cheezy gave her before he died. He said he knew he wouldn't live much longer, but would be her angel watching over her. This whole family just needs Jesus so bad and the Holy Spirit to comfort, stabilize, revitalize and redeem them from the chaos and lies. I'm not for the fire, hell and brimestone era, but I think the whole Jesus loves us all has betrayed people into thinking we could live however we want and there are no consequences. God help us.
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In other news, Meshelle's mom has been in the hospital for severe constipation and is talking about redoing her lifestyle to include better eating and exercise. I could write another novel on our recent interactions, the frustrations and glimmers of good, but if this will help her get a new take on living, that will be a very positive step indeed.

funeral bookends

The CEO was good to me in that I got to go to Canada to attend a cousin reunion and have a much needed break from Texan weather and taking care of kids. I had prayed and prayed for us to be able to go up, but when it looked impossible, I contacted my cousin telling her it looked like we wouldn't make it and she bought me a ticket. The rest was superb and I thank the CEO that He gives us times of refreshing. We need it because there are sorrows and troubles all around us.

I attended a funeral the day we drove off for me to catch my plane in Houston. It was for a little baby. Today, we came home and I attended a viewing, for an 18 year old, murdered last week- princess' first cousin (Rosalind's only son. You may remember Rosalind from my last post regarding her. She lost her boyfriend to an overdose in May and wasn't dealing with that well). Her niece (Princess' sister) told me that she is having a rough time, and can't be left out of their sight, that she is walking out in front of cars trying to kill herself. Both she and Princess try to put up a good front when other's ask how they are, but Princess' sister also told me that Princess fainted when she saw her cousin in the casket, that they had to carry her outside and calm her down. I had been praying and praying while gone if I needed to stay in relationship with her and thought that maybe if I got a call from her while I was gone that that would show me to stick with it. The call wasn't from her, but her sister wanted to make sure I knew and I can't give up with all this turmoil in her life. She is still dealing with her best friends' murder that occurred while Princess was locked up in juvenile.

To top it off, as we drove home today, we got a call from Tighe saying that Isaiah is sick again and in the hospital. They are not sure what is wrong now. He had a fever that wouldn't go down even with oral medicine or a shot. The doctors and ER kept sending them home and Tighe and her husband insisted they run more tests. A doctor did, going on their instinct and found that his white blood cells were really high, meaning he is fighting something, but they are not sure what. The good is that he acts normal as long as he's on lots of pain meds, but they are scared and in need of much support and prayer. Tighe's baby is only a couple of months old also, so they can't take her into the area that Isaiah is in which is hard on them all too.

Please lift up all these families whose lives seem so chaotic and filled with pain. May the CEO meet them in their deepest hurts, still the storms, bring them peace, and life. I'm also praying that the friends of Princess' cousin will not seek revenge and that her sisters and family would be protected. The sisters both have young children and have recently been burglarized, with people taking all of the deceased things. Princess' home and her sister's car have also been broken into. The police have not yet apprehended the killer who came from out of town. May they all somehow find the power to forgive and know the peace that passes understanding.

Misty's grief

I haven't mentioned May or her daughter Misty in a long, long time. I never know when I'll hear or run into them. Like many of our former friends from the Izzy days, it's hard to keep track of them, since they move at least once a year and often change phone numbers. May will call from time to time to give me an update on her family or will just stop by the house. The other night, she was on my mind, so I was surprised when she called the next day. I told her I'd thought of her and she said "really?- last night you say?", then I ask about her grandkids- Misty's boys, and she says: "that's why I called, we lost the youngest last night".

May and her daughter had gone out and left the boys with a 17 year old cousin. The cousin had called saying the baby (3.5 months) was fussy. Misty told her to lay him on his belly and pat his back and he'd go back to sleep. She did and found him dead an hour later. There was a lot of blood coming out of his nose, and an autopsy is being conducted- but no matter what comes from this, it will not bring back this baby.

Pray that they will not be crushed by their grief, but that the Lover will meet them in the midst of their pain-- that spiritual life will come from this, that the comforter will become more real to them than they have ever known.
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Meanwhile, Isaiah has come out of his surgery well. He is getting fitted for a hearing aid today and will have the cochlear fully functioning next month.

The amazing thing is that Tighe (Isaiah's mom) was praying that she would meet someone who had had an implant before the surgery. Her prayers were answered in an incredible way. She took the kids out to a play date at Fort Imagination park. This was the first time she took the kids out by herself apart from church. While there, she sees a man with the implant. She introduced him to Isaiah and asked him about it. He went deaf at age 21 and got the implant at age 28. His talking was clear and unlike that of a hearing impaired person. He said his cousin was the first person to receive the implant in the US. His family all have them since they have a degenerative disease and all lose their hearing. She asked what things sounded like with it and he explained that at first it was aweful- sounded like aliens, but after 2 weeks it all changed and that she sounded like a southern belle to him now. From what Tighe said the brain translates the sounds and I guess gives voice sounds to people. He is a teacher and doesn't even live in Abilene, but stopped at the park with his kids to let them play as they were on a road trip!!

So that gave her a lot of peace going into the surgery.

A whole other world

Mbamie was telling me how freaked out her son was when she had her second child. He screamed and threw fits at the hospital and when she came home. I would have too. They don't inform or prepare their children in any way for the arrival of the next child. In fact they don't tell anyone really. I told her I thought this was crazy. Several people have offered to do a baby shower for her and she needs baby stuff- she doesn't have anything since her last child is 5 years old and was born in Africa. But she has refused having a baby shower thus far. So I asked her what they did back in Africa.

She explained to me that their culture is not like here. The is a lot of witchcraft and sorcery. People often wish evil of others- even family members, especially of anyone who seems to be advancing or doing well in life. She told me that there are potions they can give you to make you lose the baby. So, in order to protect the baby, the mother will not announce to anyone that she is expecting. When she is very obviously pregnant, and someone comments that she is pregnant, she denies it saying only that she has gained weight. Then when the baby is born, the baby does not leave the house for 3 months. The mother can get out, but not the baby. At the end of 3 months, there is a going out party- saying that the baby can now leave the home.

It would be so stressful to live like that! Imagine not having friends celebrate the new life within, of being fearful of those around you, of not being able to talk or share in the journey that is pregnancy.

While no one is out to get her or her baby here, Mbamie has had troubling news from the Dr. I am not at liberty to say what it is, even on this anonymous blog, I would feel as though I had betrayed her confidence if I wrote of it, but just be in prayer for her. She is very anxious about it and has difficult pregnancies anyways.

I was very thankful I got to go with her to the appointment. It was almost like it was meant to be that at least I was there. Her husband had to go to work, so she was going to go solo, but my work week was changed for just that week and agent B happened to be free that morning, so I volunteered to take her and translate again. She had to have a sonogram, then her OBGYN met with her and gave her the bad news, then she had to go get more blood work done for further tests. I had told the DRs that I can't normally make it to her appointments, since they only do them on Mon. and Tues. and I work those days, but they told me if I could come, they would go along with whatever schedule I could give them! I have been really impressed with her OBGYN, he has been gentle and compassionate.