Words of wisdom

"Each one of us can make a contribution. Too frequently we think we have to do spectacular things. Yet if we remember that the sea is actually made up of drops of water and each drop counts, each one of us can do our little bit where we are. Those little bits can come together and almost overwhelm the world. Each one of us can be an oasis of peace." Desmond Tutu

side by side

May called yesterday and as I was telling her about Mbamie, we discovered that Mbamie's baby was buried next to May's grandson. She also knew the nurse that had carried Mbamie's daughter down to the morgue at the hospital and asked me if I was the translator Mbamie had had. I don't know if it's some weird coincidence or just the fact that we live in a fairly small city/town. May said that she had seen the un-marked grave next to her grandson's and put a colored stone on it and talked to the baby. She visits out there about once a week, talking to her grandson.

We discussed grief and marvelled at how the Lover comes to us in our pain and that we can see His grace through such hard times, even while we cry out "why? why? why?". (My nephew passed before he was born two years ago now and not knowing him how we had hoped will always be an ache in our hearts). This obviously isn't a new struggle and I think is one that Jesus himself struggled with in the garden- if there is some other way... I don't know why innocent little babies die, but I do know that the Lover is with us in our grieving. The CEO allowed for His only son to be brutally murdered in order that He could send the Comforter to us in our own times of need.

Mbamie still feels very much looped out and I told her this could be in part from the pain meds. as well as the grief. She said she's not sure if she is among the living or not. Pray for the Comforter to wrap His arms around her, give her peace and open her eyes to the abundant love she has in her home- her refound husband and two living children. May she find hope again. Also, Mbamie and her husband need unity and peace regarding future children or permanent birth control. Her medicaid will not last indefinitely and they need the Lover to show them the right path for them together.

Kingdom keyholders- children's wisdom vol.2

I asked AO#1 to tell all of us what his favorite color was and where he could see it. Normally he always says green, so his response surprised me. He said: "green, red, blue, orange, white, yellow, purple..." So then I asked where he could see them and he replied: "Everywhere in the world. In Jesus. I saw them in Jesus".

Every once in a while I ask the kids to be still and see if the CEO will communicate with them or show them something and several times AO#1 has said that the Lover showed him colors.

What all do you think the Lover may be telling us with colors?

Kingdom keyholders- children's wisdom vol.1

My daughter picked out the bible story of Jesus' resurrection.

I said "oh, you want to read "He's alive" (as it's titled in their children's bible)".

My son looked at the picture and said:

"yeah, He can't fit on the cross. He's too big."

The funeral for Mbamie's baby was today. A few friends, family and the father attended. Mbamie didn't go. I was a little disappointed since I thought it would help her, but everyone mourns differently. She has not been sleeping and just got out of the hospital yesterday and is still on a lot of pain medication for the c-section she had Tues. so there is a lot going on in her mind/body and soul. We all stopped by at her place to see her after and I had a hard time recognizing her. She has lost a lot of weight in the face and her eyes were baggy which made her look more like her niece than herself. I have been encouraged by her husband's involvement. He seemed so aloof about the pregnancy, but it is obvious that his heart was really linked to this baby.

Before we went in to see Mbamie after her surgery and prior to seeing the baby, I was telling him about losing my nephew. He may have passed the night of halloween when I had AO#2 dressed up as a butterfly. After he passed, the Lord showed me a lot about butterflies, life and death, how the unborn child was like that worm in a cocoon and that now the baby was in his/her glorified state, so much more beautiful and free. Like the butterfly, the baby's presence would grace our lives by moments. The butterfly may flutter by, or even come to rest on our finger for just a brief, precious moment. Likewise, it's like that with those who have gone before us. They cheer us on and are a part of us forever. We think about them and it brings us closer to them and to the understanding of eternity. After we had spent some time with the baby, I noticed that the African cloth the photographer had given to the baby and wrapped her in had butterflies all over it (see picture above). I just knew it was the Lord echoing what we had talked about.

May the Holy Spirit meet Mbamie and her husband in their darkest time, give them rest and peace.
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Meanwhile, Mbamie's brother pulled me asside and told me their brother is sick, that nobody knows and that he may have cancer. His doctor recommended amputating his foot, but he wants another opinion. Meanwhile he has no insurance and is having troubles knowing where to turn to.

It's like this family escaped all the horrors of war in Ivory Coast and now they are still having to fight for survival.

In "recovery"- whatever that means

After another failed attempt to induce, the doctor did a c-section on Mbamie and she is now resting and trying to recover on the many levels where she is wounded. The family was very distraught, not only by the death, but also by the knowledge that this was their third baby (out of four) to suffer strangulation from the cord. The second baby was revived with prayers and is now 7 years old. The third child (the second to live) didn't have complications which the sister--in-law attributes to having fasted and prayed all throughout the pregnancy. So many unanswered questions and heartache. Pray for their peace, strength and health- physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.

The nurses brought the baby to the family and I was privileged to be there while some women took pictures for them and as we gazed at the infant's beauty. I wrote this out of the pain I felt for my friend and her loss.

Cries-a-lot
Gazes into her pot of sorrow
Tears cascading down her face
Causing her filled cauldron to overflow
Threatening to drown her

Haunting images flitter across the salty surface
Her small lifeless baby
Too small, too still
The immovable death sentence
Crushing her hopes, dreams and joy
In a single blow

Her arms are empty
Her home is quiet in the awkward stillness of mourning
Her mind is in shock and turmoil
Her heart twisted mercilessly
By her great love that spills out as endless tears

Her cries turn heavenward
Where each mutter, each groan, each tear, each cry
Usher in the baby's precious soul to her heavenly home
She is carried in by this love bleeding forth from hearts on earth
The Lover carefully and tenderly receives and embraces
The passion of His heart, the beautiful soul come so quick
Along with the intense heartache
He draws them to Himself and says "little one, you are dearly loved"

The Lover and infant daughter
Carefully wrap each note of mourning sent heavenward
They kiss them until they melt into a fine powder
They smell in their fragrance, marvel at the great love
And tremble under the depth of sadness
They stir in their own offerings of love:
Heavens laughter, eternity's hope, perfect love from a perfect realm
And blow back their remixed potion as responses to the cries of earth

Cries-a-lot can barely see past the chasm of darkness
The despair and heart wrenching pain
But sometimes a glimmer of hope assails her heart
She imagines a presence, a child's voice that sings
"I'm not so far, Cries-a-lot, just beyond the veil
Receive our love back to you
And know that one day all will be well"

The Lover wipes Cries-a-lot's tears
Carefully treasuring the pure love and heartache
Just as she carefully carries the baby's fragile shell
The remains
Buried in earth's ground
Along with a sprinkling of heaven's rain

He stirs her pot of sorrow with heaven's tears
Of compassion, hope and love
So that sometimes she is overcome with peace
And the incomprehensible knowledge
Under such depth of pain
That she is dearly loved
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Although this is what I felt in my heart, Mbamie is not in tears outwardly and that frightens me some, because I know her as an overly dramatic woman, yet since she heard of the death, she has become like a wall. I know everyone deals with sorrow differently, so I want to allow her the space to grieve as she will and have time for her grieving, but I also pray that she will not lose her will to connect or be among the living with this traumatic blow to her heart. While she seems to have shut down, her husband, who seemed aloof during the pregnancy, has been the one who cried out, looked at the baby, held her, and tried to reach his wife with their common love for the baby. They have actually been through this situation before, but I think what is different is that Mbamie may have thought that the chapter of horror on their lives had ended and they had turned a new page, yet here, the past haunts them again in this new life.

Lover- please ease their pain.

the torturous wait

Mbamie is still waiting to deliver her deceased baby. They attempted induction last week, but did not succeed and are in the process of attempting again. We are all exhausted. I can not imagine the pain Mbamie and her husband are dealing with, and she still has the worst of the physical pain to affront. Keep them in your prayers, that the Comforter would meet with them and walk with them through this most difficult of situations. The hospital staff, nurses and doctors have been very compassionate, which the family has really appreciated. Right now some of the shock has worn off and the focus is on the delivery. I'm sure with that a whole heap of emotions, questions and pain will surface in the next phase of trying to face life without this precious being among us.

the valley of death

Mbamie and her husband are in need of your prayers. I had a doctor's appointment yesterday, but since she has been in pain with swelling in her feet, I offered that she go with me. There are many reasons why she should not even have been seen, but things kept working out for her to go, then the doctor happened to show up when he was supposed to be gone, then we asked if he could just do her regular appointment (that was for next week), since we were already there. It was at that point, we found out that her baby had died. Probably as early as that day or the night before. She is at the hospital now being induced and I have the four kids today. They have no idea when she may actually start having contractions since she is pretty early (about 28 or 30 weeks along). Mbamie and her husband are really shaken up by this and it will be a tough few days, weeks, months...

The CEO calls His Presence the comforter. May He go to them now in their darkest time of pain. They also lost their first born the day she delivered him, so this is also dredging up that pain- which was all due to incompetency on the staff in Africa at the time. This death, the doctor assured her, could not have been prevented. They may never know the reasons why, but she was already being monitored with the utmost care and nothing had ever signalled that the baby was in any kind of danger. Please pray for their peace, faith, sense of aloneness and her feeling of being targeted with all sorts of evil. She kept saying over and over: "why is it always me?"