Hope in the desert

We have noticed for quite a while that the CEO has had us in a kind of a desert. It has been a time of questioning and re-evaluating, of being separated, discarding things that have enslaved us and looking toward a new land or purpose. We do not know fully where we are headed, but have sensed the CEO's presence throughout and know that He is leading us and wooing us to Him as our hope and all.

In the spring, my mother asked me to paint for her a picture of a scene from Jamaica. I was surprised when I saw the picture. She was bursting with excitement over it and all I could see was a dead looking tree. I've been to Jamaica and know that it is full of exotic beauty, so why had she chosen this scene. I asked her why it had meaning to her and there were many depths of appeal for her, but some of it was the lilies with red stripes that only bloom at Easter- like it was a sign of Jesus' death and resurrection. She mentioned the mystery of the fog and the massive tree with fungus like plants growing from it. I then asked my aunt (the tree is in her yard) for the names of the tree and plants so that I could more accurately paint it. She told me that the tree looses all it's leaves right before it produces a huge crop of plum fruits. I was soon seeing that the CEO was speaking to my heart about the desert and the resurrection. Can you imagine those days when the Lover lay in the tomb and all hope was gone? The disciples had a thick fog over their understanding, just as we do as we go through the desert periods of our lives, not knowing what is going on, everything looks bleak, and yet, AND YET- the greatest period of fruitfulness, worldwide transformation was on the brink of occurring. The tree, the body of Christ seemed to be void of life, but there were hints, all of creation pointed to the fact that He was not completely dead. A great pulsing and activity was occurring in the heavenly realms, shielded from human eyes, but detectable to those who see by faith... the resurrection was yet to come and life would burst forth.

I wrote a poem to go along with the picture. Here they are:

Blind Sleep of Death

Apparently dead
To the innocent ignorants
Desperate tears
Drench the earth
The greatest of hopes
Buried deep
Under ground.

Falling
Like dry crumpled leaves
A thick fog
Envelops the mourners
Just like the heavy
Sadness that threatens
To suffocate them.

“Don’t give up”, says the blind man.
“Wait”.

Wild, uncultured
Reaching, fungal plants
Feast on the stagnant
Naked corps
A mockery to the greatness
Of an unquenchable life
Lying too still.

“Deceptively quiet”, says the blind man.

A sweet melodic fragrance
Rises up
Out of the mire
Swaying in a gentle breeze
Trumpeting the first hints
Of victory
While the mighty King lays dead.

“The kingdom advances”, says the blind man.

Blood and water
Poured out death
Drink deeply
Feast and live
Crimson red rivers
Streak the white burial shrouds
Delicate goblets of milk and wine.

“It is finished”, says the blind man.
“Wipe your tears”.

Pulsing, dripping, bursting
From the naked branches
Reaching high into the heavens
Big stretch, yawn
Ripe with life
Luscious fruit cascading through
The apparently dead laughing man.

Hog plum
Hog plum
Mombin death
Wild pine
Milk and wine
Bougainvillea

BREATH!

global village

We are being stretched and challenged by many posts, videos, thoughts… concerning the global village, consumerism, our impact on the world by our purchasing choices and affluent lifestyles in North America. It is sickening that resources are robbed, nations impoverished and people mistreated so that I can live an easier, more comfortable, faster and luxurious life. I don’t know what all the solutions are, but something must be done, anything and everything to correct this grave imbalance. Ezekiel 34 seems to be speaking directly to us today concerning the greed and wastefulness in our fattened “Christian” nation that continues to demand for more and more goods at the expense of others.

“Is it not enough for you to feed on the good pasture? Must you also trample the rest of your pasture with your feet? Is it not enough for you to drink clear water? Must you also muddy the rest with your feet? Must my flock feed on what you have trampled and drink what you have muddied with your feet?” Ez. 34:18-19

Forgive us Lord and show us the way to bring your love, life, healing and resources to those in need.

Big Buddy/ AKA Obiwan

We got to visit our neighbor and friend in the hospital today after his second leg amputation. He had the other over a year ago I guess. This one doesn't seem to have taken quite as well it seems as he has had to receive blood, but his spirits are still up. He says he gets a visitor whenever the pain gets really bad and he needs someone to talk to, so that is amazing that the lover sends someone over just as he needs a friend. Today he was teasing the nurses as usual. They were trying to make his bed more comfortable as it keeps bunching all up on him and he told one of the nurses that his foot was on the floor. Of course he doesn't have any feet anymore, but she quickly tried to shift around his stump until she saw that he was laughing. The kids colored him a card while we visited and he said how he wished he had some colors up there to mess around with- well what do you think is wrapped under our tree for him? The CEO is so cool at times it just blows my mind.

He gave me a couple of dreams last night too, reassuring me about our walk in life outside of church walls and another about a big Christmas gift issue for the kids. I had barely realized that I was stressing about these and hadn't prayed really for direction, but when I awoke this morning, I saw that He was showing me truths about these situations, direction and assurance so that I would have peace. Who am I that He would go through all this effort to calm my heart when I hadn't even asked Him to? So generous, so merciful, so gracious and loving... that He is.

the CEO's economy

Agent B was mocking me saying that I am nesting. Maybe so. I thought that I'd have all sorts of time to get ready for our 3rd baby once I had stopped keeping the extra boys I watched for the last 11 months, but then I suddenly realized it's Christmastime and my parents are coming and we are about to have a baby... Plus, I've felt like the CEO has had us on a bit of a hiatus with regards to reaching out to the marginalized, who I am thankful to say, in our small circle of a few families are no longer needy, needy of us, but more and more like friends, just calling from time to time to say hello and update us on what is going on in their lives. However, this morning I have something very awesome to report.

So, I haven't had much time to dwell on this pregnancy. We've already had two, so I wasn't really concerned about having stuff and I've been too busy to really prepare. A little while ago, a friend asked me if I needed anything. She had her daughter not quite a year ago and was wondering if I needed anything or wanted to use her clothes. I said that I had saved "unisex" clothes, but not any of our daughter's things and so was a little sad not to have girl clothes for this baby. She said "I've got you covered, I'll pass on all my totally cute girl clothes to you." She brought me her 0-3month clothes and last night I was going through them. They are so precious and beautiful and plentiful. Then I went to my "unisex" boxes, which I had thought were plenty and was shocked to realize that we only had a few days of clothes for the baby at each stage.

You see, I had saved our son's clothes over a year, knowing we wanted more children. But when we found out our second was a girl and that Princess' sister was having a boy, we felt it was time to get the "river" flowing again. All our boy clothes had been given to us. In fact, to this day, we have bought only some night time t-shirts and socks for him and he's 4 years old. The same with my daughter. We haven't bought her any clothes. People have always just given us clothes and family have made or bought them new clothes too. We felt that the clothes needed to be shared. Who were we to keep them when they had all been given to us in the first place? (I'm not saying everyone has to do this, but for us, that is what we felt). Plus, who knows if we'll have a boy again?

When we had our daughter, Princess' sister had a girl too, so we just did the same passing it on. I felt like the CEO said that he would always provide and not to hold on to it all. I was nearly in tears last night when I saw that He had fulfilled His promise. I really had thought we had a bunch of clothes. I remember feeling overwhelmed with all the clothes my daughter had and here we opened up the boxes to find we had given it ALL away! Then the wisdom of the CEO hit me. My daughter was born in the summer and this baby is coming in Jan., which means that the clothes would have all been the wrong season if I had kept them. The unisex stuff is all the right season somehow and the baby we were handing clothes down to, eventually grew too big to be getting our hand-me-downs. This means that at about 18months, when my friend's daughter will be wearing her clothes longer and may not be able to pass them to us in time and when the seasons will no longer matter, we will have our own girl clothes to use again.

I didn't even realize that we were down to crunch time with the baby's arrival and that she would have been near naked if the CEO hadn't already taken care of the situation- AS HE HAD SAID- all that time ago. Give and you will receive and your joy will be complete. His way is better. Our old clothes would not have worked, but these are the perfect ones and the perfect timing and in the giving and receiving, we know both the Lord's provision and a friend's love. The kingdom is so awesome!!!

My toddler teacher

For the last three weeks, the kids and I have talked about and done activities based on the three persons of the Trinity. Last week was the Holy Spirit, who I think is the least talked about of the three, the least understood, the least sought after and the most critical in our day and age. Jesus said to let him go because he was going to send the Holy Spirit who would instruct each of us. I think the Holy Spirit is intimidating to us, at least He is to me, because I don't like to die to myself and too often I am not praying His will be done and let me know you more, but what is He going to ask of me? Will I fail? Can I do it? I don't like dying to myself... And yet that is the essence of living, it is in the dying and giving.

We can't spend much on Christmas gifts, but we try to give something small to family and friends, something homemade maybe or meaningful to show our love. We also try to encourage the kids to be generous. I was thinking we should give something to the kids I have kept for the last year and asked AO#1 and #2 if they wanted to give something. AO#1 said he wanted to give the older boy his grabber. I couldn't believe it. He just got this for Christmas, from his nanna no less and it's his favorite gift. The boys fought over it just last week. I kept asking him, are you sure you want to give that? You can't take it back once you give it. It won't be yours anymore... I even got a small item from the dollar store as an alternate gift (which was most likely my flesh, because I am not the best giver and have a hard time giving things away). As I wrapped up the gifts, AO#1 added a stuffed animal of his (again one of his favorites), then went around the house looking for things to give to his friends. He brought me the grabber and told me he wanted to add it to the gift. I asked agent B what he thought (still being stingy) and agent B said he did not want to discourage generosity. Then he asked AO#1 why he chose that toy and the 4 year old's reply was that the Holy Spirit told him to give it. He gave his best, his favorite and is jumping for joy, so excited for his friend to make the great discovery of such a great gift. That's the kingdom and that's why the Lord said it belongs to the children. Even as I struggled with my flesh, I heard the Lord say to me: "would you keep your son from loving me like this?" Pure worship, pure love. I want more of that.