Back in the saddle

Yesterday I had one of those CEO orchestrated moments. I was trying to get the kids out of agent B's hair and thought of taking them to the park. As I drove out of the driveway, I thought of how I should have called a friend to join us, but then many of the friends I thought of would be having family time. I thought of pulling into one park, but we ended up passing it, then as I turned toward the first park I'd thought of, which would take me past Meshell's house, I thought of stopping to see if she and her son wanted to come along. When I stopped the car, I landed in a melting pot of frustration, tears, hurt and pain. Meshell was a couple of houses away and while I waved at her, she acted like she didn't know me. Her mom was at the door and proceeded to tell me that her daughter (25/30 years old) was running away, that all she asked her to do was to take care of her by making her some tea, that it was the least she could do after everything she's ever done for her... (blah, blah, blah) and can you talk to her?

By this time Meshell had put a block or two between us, so I got back in the car and drove to catch her. When I pulled over, she came to the car and I asked her if she was OK. She just burst into tears-- "I just stay in the house all day, every day, no one wants to help us, we can't get rides to go pay bills or get anything done..." (blah, blah, blah). Basically she was just really stressed and freaking out. Her brothers and their girlfriends had just moved out that weekend. Meshell, her son and mom are the only ones who are left in the house, with no phone, no transportation and little gumption or imagination (I don't say that to be mean or belittling, but they just don't have the resources, financial, emotional, physical to get a lot of basic things done).

So we got to go to the park. It was just so cool that the Lover would see her tears, hear her cries and hook us up at just the perfect time. I didn't hear a big voice or anything, I didn't know if it was my thinking or His doing until I'd stopped and saw that this was where we were supposed to be. A physical touch to show that the Lover sees, He knows and to turn to Him because He has ways and solutions we can not even dream of.

Then tonight, Meshell called (from the neighbor's) to see if I could take her to the grocery store. I had time and a car, so AO#1 and I went to get them. The store she shops at caters to the down and out. It was like walking back in time, into our former life with the Izzy group. Before I got out of the car, Juliette called out to me. She and her boyfriend were getting their beverages before heading home (a 2 liter soda for her and a 40 oz for him). They were genuinely pleased to see us and wanted to know how we were doing. They were so happy for me and my life, even as they admitted and confessed to drowning out theirs. They are so real, confessing this addiction or that problem and saying how they just cling to hope, hope for each other and their lives. Juliette once told me to cherish my family, that it was so precious and it brings tears to my heart whenever I think of her telling me that. Juliette has lived on and off the streets for a very long time, but she is a mom too and has never been able to live it. Her kids are never far from her thoughts, but she doesn't get to mother them, to hold them or talk to them or play a real part in their lives. Schizophrenia and street life has stolen all that from her and so much more.

The store's entire stash of milk had gone bad, so we had one more stop to make. I took Meshell to the grocery store I usually go to. It was a bit shocking to drive back into "suburbia". It was truly a different world. I am so privileged. I am so thankful for our phone, for our car, for the freedom and opportunities to go places, for the many friends I have, for my sanity and mental stability and for this strange life we are in that allows us to walk in both worlds- at least to some degree. And even with all our stuff and freedoms, I too have felt that strain, that pressure, that sense of being lost and alone at times and I'm most thankful that the Lover is always there to open my eyes to the truth that His love never fails.