I think one of the greatest fallacies of a woman (in men too, but perhaps worse in women) is comparison. We compare ourselves to each other and our society has taught us to compare ourselves to models- whether they be physical models, or models of a successful woman/mother/wife...
I didn't realize one other trap that I have been subject to and that was comparing spirituality. I was trying to talk to the Lover yesterday evening, but felt judgment over my day (I hadn't spent enough time with the Lord, or been in His word enough, or longed for Him enough...). Sometimes even as I read blogs, I'm glad for the spiritual insight someone has shared even while my mind puffs up that person and says "see, they are better than you, they are walking more honestly, or more spiritually, have bigger insight or love the Lord more than you..." The list of course is endless because we can't perform our way into a feeling of spiritual rightness. I find this tendency to want to perform or "do the list" (like the kid song- read your bible, pray every day) even more tempting now that we are not regular "church attenders". That means we have to be REALLY spiritual in order to make up for not fulfilling that "obligation" right? All of this is pure idiocy, but of course I have not seen any of it that way.
So today when I was hanging out with the Lover, He tells me that the voice I'd heard yesterday, the voice of judgment, was not His. Then I wonder if this new message is some sly trap- until it goes on to reveal to me that others, maybe even the same people I am comparing myself to are likewise comparing themselves to me and feeling like they are not up to my "standard". He said that He does not call us to compare ourselves to each other and does not come to put condemnation in us about how our day went, He comes in love and passion. His is a delightful drawing presence and call.
I'm writing this in the hopes that it will help others also, if you are dealing with the same trap I've walked into my entire life. I need to revamp my whole thinking about how this love relationship is walked out- the flowing in and out of conversation and awareness of Him, without the judgment, the nagging, the voice saying I haven't done enough.
May I know the freedom to just be with the Lover and not to spend any more time with these twisted perceptions of everyone else being with Him. Does that make sense?
3 comments:
This is BC-before coffee-but I'll write it anyway.
I needed to hear this today. I haven't been spending time with God. I tried two days ago and remembered but then left it to pick up my online idol that it seems I love much better.
Just now, I was not motivated to check my email to see what verse of the day (VOTD) would be in my inbox as much as I wanted to see who had been "talking" to me.
Yeah.
Only 1 messaged awaited me. My VOTD. It was one He had sent me only a few weeks ago.
It pierced me but I quickly covered it up and landed here.
I think He knew I wouldn't listen to Him directly, Mrs. B, so He let me hear Him through you.
I forget more than I remember and I need to not do that anymore and not beat myself up when I think others are better at this than I.
I'm glad you wrote this.
Thank you for your kind comment. I know this road you and Mr. Agent are walking and I know it's all the harder because you have the choice to walk away or to stay and follow God's lead.
You encourage me to do the same.
:)
On the latest Spiderman there is a part where Spidey is trying to pull the "Black" web suit off. The only way he is able to do so is the sound waves somehow stun the sticky stuff. I believe the lies from the enemy are like the sticky stuff. They must be arrested by the Voice of the Lover being confessed through our mouths. Then we can remove the covering that restrains us. I certainly wish I compared less, felt embarassed or not good enough less, and just walked in peace and contentment always.
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