both? And?

One of my desires and prayers for many years was that we would be well established in ministry before I had kids. I knew I wanted kids, but also that I wanted to be in ministry, so I figured if we were already in a system, I could kind of just incorporate my kids in what I was already doing.

The ministry we were a part of went through major changes and came to a near standstill at the time that was right for us to start our family. So, now we have two children and ministry is not at all a system how I had thought it would be. We do what we see to do, but feel that there is "more out there for us" (whatever that means, whenever it may be). The other day, I was sighing because I thought we'd have to "start all over", or become part of something again only now I had kids and wouldn't be able to do as much, when I felt a gentle nudging that the Holy Spirit was trying to show me something.

Without consulting my plan or anything, I feel like He's orchestrated it this way so that my kids would be the underlying foundation and that other ministry would be the icing and not the other way around. I think it's a religious spirit in me that feels more gratified investing in "the lost" or others, when I have my own children who want and need love, opportunities to learn, experiences in worship and hearing the Lord and being read the same book a thousand times in a week.

At the same time I realized this, it seems like opportunities to serve and help others have multiplied, but I have also sensed profound gratefulness for being able to be with my kids, see them learn and grow and delighting in them.