Kingdom keyholders- children's wisdom vol.4

Sorry I've been so negligent here. The kids and I have been working through the book of Mark and it is a very enriching experience. I know I gain so much from reading with the intent of sharing the WORD with them. First, I have to think about what the main message is, then how to share it in a way preschoolers can understand, often times, I see just how piercingly true, demanding and gracious the Lover really is when we get to the nitty gritty of what does this really mean. I think some of the best things with purposeful sharing time has been our discussions. My two year old doesn't get into it much beyond the initial activity... but she has grasped such profound yet simple truths. When her brother is overwhelmed or having a hard time, she is often heard saying "Jesus will help you", so matter of fact and knowingly. It's beautiful and as I hear those words, it reminds me too "Jesus will help you", with whatever I'm dealing with.

My 4 year old is asking probing questions while we are doing activities.
I thought of the song: "on Monday, I was all alone, on Tuesday, I had my sins to atone, on Wednesday, o Lord I cried and I cried, on Thursday, o Lord, I thought I would die, on Friday, I started to pray, on Saturday, I read my bible all day, and on Sunday Lord, the heavens rejoiced, I've got the love of God in my soul... no reason to sigh anymore, no reason to cry anymore, no reason to die anymore, I've got the love of God in my soul". I printed out pictures snagged from the internet and we sang the song repeatedly. AO#1 started asking a lot about dying as we sang. He is a bit tormented by the idea of death and doesn't want his parents to die first. I tried to emphasize how awesome heaven was and that dying is nothing to be afraid of, that that is our time to be fully with the Lover in the home He is building for us. AO#1 is all into building right now and loved that idea. The more we talked, the giddier he got. He got to laughing and was so excited about heaven. But then he would start to cry and say that he wanted to die first, before me or his dad, because he didn't want us to die. What could I say? I can't guarantee to him that we will live until we are old, but I told him that we could pray we will all be old when we die and showed him pictures of my parents and grandma, showing how long they have lived. In a way, I think it's a bit much to be talking about such deep things as death with a 4 year old, but at the same time, death is our victory and life is not guaranteed. We must all know that each day is a gift.

It's sweet because we don't use this expression, but every time AO#1 prays, he says: "thank you for today and for my whole life". His sister has even started picking up on his phrase.

Yes, CEO, thank you for my whole life and those of my children and husband.

Kingdom keyholders- children's wisdom vol.3

a recent conversation in our home...

son: "mom, God is showing me a giant bell"
me: (looking for the meaning of this giant bell) "what does it look like?"
son: "it's big and old. It's brown. You have to push it and it goes 'ding dong, ding, dong'"
me (still looking for the meaning) "why do you think he's showing you a giant bell?"
son: (who seems shocked that I would not understand something so obvious) "because it's super fun!"

I learned today, from a four year old kingdom keeper of God's total love for me, for us-- that he wants us to experience joy and that we don't always have to look for some deep meaning, or make things complicated, that we can just accept his gifts and receive this love and joy from the Father.

Songs and mourning

Mbamie asked for prayers the other day. She was wondering if she was sick because some weeks she gets really down and cries a lot about the loss of her baby. She has also been having nightmares. It made me wonder if it really was best for us to get her to see her baby and get the pictures when I heard that, but I also know and reassured her that the mourning and healing time is very strong during the first year and will even continue all throughout her life, but that the pain of loss will not be so raw forever. (I did ask if she felt like hurting herself or others and if the depression was debilitating, or if she can manage work, if she's eating...). I don't think she is dangerously depressed, but just dealing with the real emotions of losing a child. Pray for her peace and for the Lord to give her dreams that will bring healing to her heart.

Apart from some bumps, I've had a beautiful week in that I got to compose the music to go with the words spoken over our daughter. With each child, we invited friends and family to speak prophetic/encouraging words over them. I had read a book where parents spoke a blessing over their kids each day and thought how wonderful it would be to hear their words from their day of dedication to the Lord. It is so humbling to hear these great words of promise from scripture and others being said in reference to our child. It makes me realize even more what a gift she is and the amazing indwelling power of the Lover within each of us and her in particular.

Dedication

Tomorrow we have invited friends to come to our home to speak words of blessing, promise, hope, goodness, prophecy, love... over AO#3. We would love for you to share in this celebration with us by writing a message for AO#3. These will be spoken over her not only now, but throughout her growing years. We believe in the power of our words and that the messages spoken to her from heaven and from our hearts/soul/minds will have a great influence on her. Feel free to post a message here or e-mail me at:

secretagentwife@gmail.com

We are excited to know who our daughter is and are full of joy for her future with us and in the world. We know that she is so very precious and that it is a huge privilege for us to be able to speak life and love over her.

chewed out

I went over to my neighbor's to give them an invitation to our baby's dedication party and was met with fierce anger. "I could have killed your damn dog! She attacked me and Sammy (his lap dog)" "my dog? Are you sure it was my dog?" "yes, your damn dog that always snarls and barks at me!" "what happened?" "Your damn dog jumped on me and went after Sammy" (He is shaking with rage) "I am so sorry that happened. We don't let her out, but we noticed that the kids had left the gate open last week" "sorry is not good enough!" He pointed at me and yelled more damn this and damn that (damn is his favorite word). His anger was poisonous as I felt anger come up in me. "what do you want me to do, put her down? I'm sorry this happened and know what it's like to have a dog come out and attack" (we had a pit bull bite at our dog's neck down our street when we were on a walk once). I kept saying I was sorry and he kept shouting at me. I wanted to march out with my invitation, but felt like I was to stay and infuse calmness in the home, so I listened and apologized and sympathized.

I discovered that most likely our dog had jumped up on him and barked at him and sniffed his dog from his wife's description, but when she said that he came back shaking, I realized that the biggest affront was that our dog had scared him. I felt this in my spirit. He is 85 years old and while he is hefty looking I know that he doesn't walk much even and hates growing old. I talked with his wife for quite a while as we shared stories of times stray dogs had followed us or given us fear and I apologized some more and gave them the invitation.

When I left, I was so upset within myself. The hatred and rage was so palpable. (This neighbor has a lot of hatred and rage on his best days, over everything and anything, so he was really spewing with this). Then I realized what a sad life he lives, with no joy, always cursing the government, the world, only caring about the state of his social security check, damning everything. I was sincerely sorry for what had happened, but there was no forgiveness within him. I have been thanking the CEO that I was chewed out like this because it has reminded me to pray for peace for him- not just in this circumstance, but even more so within his innermost being, with the CEO.

party

Meshell called asking me if I wanted to come to her son's party later in the day. I didn't want to, because I wanted to be selfish and stay home to do ultimately un-important things. Also, I knew her house would be filthy, smell bad and be highly uncomfortable. I asked agent B. what he thought and he suggested I go with AO#1. We walked over- which was awesome, getting one on one time with my son. The weather was perfect. I prepped him in advance saying that the house would smell, but to say nothing about it as that would be rude. He started getting really shy then saying he didn't want to go.

We got there and Meshell and her extended family were so happy we had come. I ended up really enjoying being there. Although we gasped when they opened the door (yes, it smelled that bad). And we eventually found a spot on a dirty couch in a small living area equally filthy and crawling with small roaches. Lots of people from the poverty culture came. They were offered a soda and chili dog that was cooked on a hot plate (they didn't have the gas on because Meshell's brother hadn't paid the bill). The family and friends were so very open, loving and genuine that it was a joy to be with them even on "turf" that we were not necessarily "at home" in.

We were the only ones who had brought a gift, which explained to me why Meshell never brings a gift to our parties. The party is not about expensive gifts, but about being together. Her son's birthday is not actually until the 27th, but they figured they needed to have it at the beginning of the month before their money ran out. I admire them for having people over in their humble circumstances to celebrate life.

letter

The gospel really is not that complicated. The Lover left us with 2 commands... just 2: Love God and love others. This should not be so difficult if it were not for our flesh, our desires, our wants and religion and pride... getting in the way. I heard of a minister who wrote one word on his door that said: others. So I have been trying to simplify the gospel in my life, first of all just taking one day at a time and secondly focusing on others- not necessarily looking for ways to convert or reach out or share, but looking for ways to sincerely love.

Yesterday, I was thinking about Princess and how much I missed her and how she had opened up to me a couple of times in writing, but never really in person and why she didn't want to have relationship anymore. Then the Lover revealed to me that I may have really hurt her with a loose tongue in questioning her sisters about things that had gone on (I found out after that her sisters didn't know about it until I said something). I kept asking the CEO what to do and battled with my flesh which wanted to make up excuses, but I could see that pride and lack of self-control on my part may have really hurt an already beat up friend and ultimately our fragile relationship. I felt like I needed to write her and apologize and release her in my heart to the ultimate lover who can heal all situations and people. So I did.

freedom

I got an e-mail some time back. It was a fairly exhaustive list of tips to help you avoid being abducted. It started off with logical advice like "don't walk down a dark alley alone at night", but progressed to "wear your hair up", an abductor often grabs long hair to take you and "don't go to your car if a man is sitting in a car next to it, go get a security officer", "don't have sympathy on someone with a cane or who is asking for help"... One of the statements was: "it is better to be paranoid than to be dead".

I was so appalled by this e-mail that was sent to me by a Christian! To me to be paranoid and in constant fear, distrusting of every male, turning from people who need help and orchestrating my whole life around a fear is to be dead already. What happened to "perfect love casts out fear" or even the most challenging and difficult directives by the Lover of praying for our enemies and those who persecute us.

I heard a tape once by a woman who was abducted by a rapist. She was amazing and shared the love of Christ with the man. She was not harmed in any way, was able to escape and later visited the man while he was in prison. She was able to see past his actions and her fear to see a man who had already lost the most important things in life, forgave him in her heart for the terror he caused her and offered him wholeness through the life saving message of the Redeemer.

To live in fear is to deny the power of the CEO or be open to his redemptive power. Even the vilest offender is one of the CEO's creations and Christ died for him/her too. I haven't had to face this terrible circumstance of having to forgive a horrible offense and hope I never have to, but if I do, I hope that I will have the inner fortitude to walk in forgiveness and love, because terror and bitterness destroys if not given over to the CEO.

We have been very challenged by the testimonies of genocide survivors Eva Kor (see the video Forgiving Dr Mengele) and Immaculée Ilibagiza who wrote Left to Tell. These women faced the most horrible torment and found power in forgiveness. Immaculée Ilibagiza even attributes her times of terror with granting her a most profound intimacy and communication with the CEO that has shaped her life to this day.

We must remember that he who is in us is greater than he who is in the world and that love conquers ALL.

Isaiah prayers again

Please be praying once again for the Baier family and their son Isaiah. He is in the hospital again with his 3rd bout of meningitis. They caught it real fast since they are now pros at spotting it. This confirms for them and the doctor that their son is among one of the rare people that somehow has a hole in his brain that is causing the repeated meningitis. This requires locating the hole and brain surgery, which sounds horrible, but would be better than fighting meningitis repeatedly. The doctors also think something else may be wrong, so once Isaiah is strong enough to be released, they are going to travel to another city where there is a CAT scan that will not damage or draw interference with his cochlear implant in order to try to locate the hole and also see if something else is causing his many sicknesses. On top of the meningitis, he has gotten pneumonia and had a deadly reaction to an antibiotic. He was only off antibiotics 2 days when he started showing symptoms of meningitis again. The parents are taking it all in stride, but they are very tired. I can't imagine having to fight this off time and time again. Pray that the CEO will bring healing and direction, either miraculous or at the hand of the doctors, or both.

Poem, scents and swords

I woke up one night and thought to pray. As I did, I "saw" my prayers ascending like incense and then felt that the prayers rising as incense was also swords doing warfare heavenward. This poem comes out of that experience:


scents and swords

her ardent murmurs
waft upward
a sweet perfume
smoky dance
mingling with the wind
scenting the heavens
with delightful aroma

his cries and tears
ascend violently
a riotous clamor
of clashing metal
ricochet off the
throne room’s chambers
creating a musical cacophony
of riotous warfare
in the heavens

The Father smiles
as He receives the heart’s offerings
The Son dances with fervor
sweat dripping like blood
mingling with the scents and swords
The Spirit adds her heavenly aroma,
power, strength and majestic music
to the tender thunder
of human voices

heaven is moved
as power gathers, swirls, unites
favor multiplies
love overflows
descending earthward
a grace filled cascade
careening downward
enveloping his beloved
transforming their world
with heaven’s response

Our life at present

Yesterday, we got to hear Shaman share what He felt the CEO was up to these days. It was very enriching and thought provoking. The best part for me was his depiction of transformation into Christlikeness and that this will do away with performance because our goal is not to become better people, but to have the mind of Christ and love others. I have a tendency to be performance oriented, so it was good to have this perspective change.

I also realized that during this desert time of our lives, I have become lazy, complacent and spiritually pouty. I have been disciplined and as things have been broken off of me, I have been like a child sitting in time out with my arms crossed saying "fine, if you don't like how I've done things, I just won't do anything". Instead of loving the CEO with all my heart, soul, mind and strength and allowing His presence to give me a new heart and manner.

I'm ready for a new day, a new me, a new communion with the Lover and new assignment.

On another note, the kids and I have been doing projects and making pages inspired from our reading through the book of Mark. I made them each a 3 ring binder to put the different things we make into, as our walls are rapidly filling up with art creations. The gospel of Mark is great to read with kids since it is to the point and a book of action. By putting their pages into the binder, we will eventually have pictoral reminders from the entire book and will thus be able to "read" the book together from what we have created.

baby power

I'm so in love with our new baby! What is it about babies that make you just want to hold them and stare at them all day long? She loves to look at me and me at her. The kids and Agent B are just as taken by her. I keep looking at her and wonder what she is thinking- since she does not have language yet, is it just feelings of love, peace, contentment, discontent... that wash over her? Awe at the colors, textures, new sights, sounds, smells...?

The CEO is so cool to think this all up. And each time I have a baby, I am in awe that the Lover came in this form. So helpless, so dependent, so small and incapable- but already totally changing the world by his very existence and putting Joseph and Mary's lives in upheaval as a baby has ours, yet alone God in baby form! Can you imagine how nervous they were? All of history hinged on this little baby's growing up, surviving death threats, the weather, sickness, jealous siblings and critical tongues...

repentance

It's been an interesting time in our home spiritually since we brought home our new baby daughter. The dynamics have definitely changed and not all good. We've found ourselves getting so short tempered and yelling a lot at the older kids, who seem to have increased their energy and mischieviousness tenfold since the birth. Most of it is AO#1, since #2 mostly just follows his lead.

Lately AO#1 has been deciding that he wants to be baptized. In our growing up, that was the pinnacle of conversion, but it wasn't really allowed or favored until you were a teenager. As a kid, this frustrated me. I wanted to be baptized at about age 5, but my parents wouldn't let me saying I was too young and didn't understand. The result was that I was like Pharoah- hardening my heart, so that when I did get older and they started to bring it up, I resisted. We heard a speaker question this CoC and baptist practice of not allowing children to be baptized when they asked. She spoke of how the child is under law (like the old covenant)- obey or be punished, but that once conversion occurs, the Holy Spirit is there more personally in the child's life and that you can work better together as parent and child towards peace, harmony and righteousness. That made a lot of sense to me. Why would I only really know the Lover as I'm a few years from adulthood, about to leave home, when we could have been growing together so much more in tune since I was much younger?

So we have been listening attentively and asking the Lover for discernment. We have prayed through the years that AO#1 would give his life to the Lover at an early age and never lose his childlike faith, but become a mature adult with the faith of a child, growing in wisdom and stature and favor with God and man. Now what we are seeing is the battle. He is acting more and more in his flesh even as he feels the pull to give his life and heart to the Lover. (The thing holding him back right now is that he is scared to go under the water- we told him that when it is time, the Lover will give him courage to go under the water). Last night he told me "Jesus told me to get baptized". When I asked about the water, he said he wasn't ready tonight. So I think this inner battle is a part of the acting out going on. Of course part of it is also likely wanting attention as the baby needs lots of time and effort too.

We also take communion together as a family and AO#1 has been asking for several days to take it together. So this morning, we confessed together our wrongdoing of yelling and getting frustrated and asked the Lover for His peace over all of us and for Him to direct our paths, hearts, individually and as a family. It was a good time of repentance and grace, of sharing in the cross.

Orphelia the mother!

Orphelia and her husband are only part way through the foster care course and a couple of amazing things happened. First they were chosen by another birth mom to adopt a baby- and they turned it down! This is major, but they now felt comfortable and lead to do foster care and adopt through that, so they saw that a better plan was out there for them. Then a coworker found out about a little boy who was about to be taken into CPS care unless someone volunteered to foster him. So Orphelia and her husband just took in this little 16 month boy. They will have him for 4 months while the mother does classes and depending on how that goes, he may be return to his birth mom or be up for adoption.

It has been an amazing about face, but healing in a lot of ways to be able to say farewell to the dream they thought they were grasping hold of and allowing the CEO to move in their hearts and have them open their home to this little boy in need- for now or possibly for the rest of their lives. The end of this saga remains to be seen, but for now there are the joys, laughter, fullness, tears, struggles and victories of parenting in this couple's lives.

I haven't met the little guy yet, but will get to this weekend. Thank you Lover for a wondrous valentine's day gift of love!

Isaiah prayers and worship

You may remember me asking for your prayers for my friend's son who had menningitis. This little boy is only 2 1/2 years old and in the last 8 months has faced deadly disease/complications no less than 3 times. He is once again in a precarious situation. Due to the menningitis, he has a cochlear implant in one ear and hearing aid in the other. He also had tubes in his ears. He grew out of his tubes and the doctor had him scheduled to get new ones in. Within a day or so he must have gotten something because before a week had passed, one of his eardrums burst (the one with the cochlear). He was already on antibiotics due to some fevers he was having, so now they have him on the highest dose of antibiotics hoping that he won't get an infection- the fear of another menningitis attack lingers, plus the hole goes straight to his brain and to the cochlear implant, both of which do not need to get infected! He is in pain and so he's also on pain medication. He, his mom and dad are exhausted. They also have a 8 month old baby. It is a very stressful situation and they have to wait until the hole scabs over before surgery can be performed, which can take 2 weeks. Please pray for their strength, health and for healing for Isaiah. The Lover has rescued him over and over from the brink of death, from brain damage and further hearing loss. Now is the time to make war with the principalities for this little child and his family.

My friend is not sure why all this is happening to her little boy, but they are standing firm in their love for the Lord and teaching their son to praise through his trials. At one point, when there was nothing else they could do, they turned on praise music and sang to the Lover saying they loved him and would follow him no matter what. My friend said her son was there, with his arms raised, singing his love to Jesus while blood oozed out of his ear. She said that she doesn't know what he is destined for, what all he will face in his lifetime, but that maybe they are to teach him to keep turning to the Lover through it all and to draw strength from the Great Healer.

The CEO covered our butts again

We are inducing labor to have our 3rd baby tomorrow. She's past her due date and we're ready to have her. Since we have 2 others, I had all sorts of elaborate plans for a sitter for them- a night sitter, weekend possibilities, daytime sitter... Today before my doctor appointment, my day sitter Tighe, called to say that her son Isaiah is sick (be praying for him, he is the one who has had 2 bouts of menningitis- that's not what he has now, but it would just be better if he gets over this quickly). I was trying to think of someone to take care of our kids and remembered another secret agent who has Tues. off. I called her and bless her boots off, she is sacrificing her day, coming over early in the morning and canceling her plans to take care of my kids so that I can have Agent B and my mom with me for the birth ;) The kingdom rocks and the CEO is awesome for providing for all our needs. In fact, this plan is better than our first one, because we won't have to get the kids up early and take them somewhere and we don't have to be in a rush trying to get agent B from work and car seats and kids to a sitter and us to the hospital. The thing is that I'm nearly dilated to a 5 and have quick labors, so if my water broke and we had to get everyone somewhere, it could have gotten really crazy and rushed. As it is, the Doc. should just be able to just break my water since that is how it went with AO#2 and I'm already so advanced to have her.

Thank you for your prayers in advance for a safe, healthy and uncomplicated delivery and for baby and me to come out healthy and for us all to adjust well to adding a new precious agent to our team. We are looking forward to all the ways we will get to know the CEO's love more through her and see His kingdom advance by His Spirit at work within her.

Happy Birthday agent B!

I am so thankful for this man in my life. He really is a gift from the CEO.

I wasn't boy crazy growing up and never dated through high school, but at some point knew that I wanted a husband, so I prayed for one and prayed specifically. Since I am tall, I asked for someone my height or taller. Since I always thought my dad and siblings had far more interesting coloring than I did (I have brown hair, eyes and skin), I asked that my husband would look more multi-colored like them in physical appearance and I asked that the CEO would give me someone who would be a strong Christian- like a preacher or elder or someone of that spiritual depth and maturity.

Agent B is exactly my height (we've measured), his coloring is more similar to my dad's than my own brother's is and he is the strong Christ follower that I asked for, but never imagined.

Being very religious and performance, type A personality that our society and the institutional church loves, I imagined the same in a husband. Agent B is none of those. If anything he is the opposite. This baffled me some and at times still causes friction. Performance christianity and status quo are comfortable, easy and falsely satisfying. I fed on it for many years, but agent B has introduced me to realness, humility, real relationships, listening to others and loving more than my reflection or religiosity.

Where I and so many other church members saw the performing religious man as being the strong Christian, the CEO sees the heart. Where I studied missions and then went into ministry with all my religious garb (that I was taught to ditch), Agent B lived it naturally. I created bible groups called "friends", while Agent B was a friend. I scheduled people in, while he hung out. I most often have an agenda, while he most often has love.

I'm so glad the CEO is smarter than I am and gave me the desires of my heart, even though I didn't really know who that was. I'm so glad I obeyed and married someone I hardly knew because the CEO said to, even though I had an inkling this man did not fit my preconceived notion of a "strong Christian" as we entered our very short engagement and planned our lives together. I'm so glad that agent B has been patient with me, understanding and a sharpening agent in my spiritual life. He has and is helping me to become real, transparent and truly love the CEO, His ways and those He puts in our lives instead of the appearance of religiosity, performance and the cheap thrills that commercialized club members have found so appealing and (falsely) fulfilling. We read blogs and are being exposed to ideas that are "revolutionary" in Christian living and at each point, I have two reactions- the Lover within me cries out- "yes!!! this is true kingdom life" and the other part is "this is the agent life".

I also love how agent B and I are enjoying growing older. I know it sounds weird in our youth centered society, but we are finding great delight in growing in experience and maturity and building up a wealth of memories and relationships together. It's really pretty awesome!

Happy Birthday Agent B! from your greatest fans-- agent wife and kids

May our adventure continue with the grace, direction and love of the CEO. May He bless your socks off this year and bring us into greater depth in Him and in all that He has for us.

Orphelia update

I wanted to post and thank you for your prayers for Orphelia. I haven't seen her, but have been getting updates from our common friend. The CEO has done amazing things for Orphelia and her husband, in their lives and hearts. First, she called our friend to tell her that while she had said she hated God, she knew that was not true and that when she and her husband returned home, they would come back stronger than before.

My friend had asked for people to bless the couple and many did extravagantly. Orphelia called my friend on her way home and when they entered the house, they were met with a gorgeous floral display, cards in abundance, money (a very large sum)- they have not had work all the time they've been away at her sister's, all the counters full of pantry items, a fresh meal waiting for them that night and one promised for the next night and perishables replenished in the fridge. It was truly the kingdom as various people had all come together and brought what they felt led to bring- with everything being taken care of. Orphelia and her husband immediately went to our friend and thanked her. They had been really depressed driving back and were getting down about there being no food and the house being empty... and instead, Orphelia said their home was filled with the love of God.

Orphelia and her husband are not rich. She has a condition that makes it hard for her to do regular work and does photography as she can. His job does not pay stellar, so adopting was really a huge act of faith on their part and while they didn't have the funds, they were doing everything they could to make their dream come true. That said, it did not work out with this baby that they were promised. Their financial loan fell through the week she was delivered, then the mom took her back. Meanwhile, our friend knows lots of foster moms with intentions to adopt and has been told how the needs are so great and that they can receive financial help as they take care of the child. My friend felt in her heart that this would be a perfect solution for Orphelia and her husband, but that it wasn't time to share about the group of foster moms and their babies that meet regularly, until today. Orphelia called my friend telling her that she and her husband were signing up for the program, would do the 8 week course and plan to adopt through the foster system!!! She said that the reason she hadn't wanted to before was because she didn't know if she could handle it if someone took back a baby they had loved, cared for and wanted as their own, but that now she knows she could handle it!!! The CEO is so awesome. There is still a lot of hurt, but so much hope and more than likely a much better plan for his faithful followers!!

My little worship leader

Yesterday, AO#1 lead me in worship several times without him knowing it or making a big religious production- just in the simple beauty of a 4 year old who is so free and natural to love.

At breakfast, out of the blue, he just said "God, I love you". Then went on to eat his cereal. I was surprised by this sudden statement and just sat soaking it in and echoing it in my heart.

Then at night time, when I sing a special song over each of my kids, he said that he wanted to sing me a song, but he said he didn't know how it went. I started to sing our "visitor's song" and he said, "no, not that one, I want to sing my song over you". The songs I sing are based on words spoken over my children when they were dedicated as babies, so they are filled with dreams, faith, love and the CEO's promises. I sang it again, but this time thinking of it as my song and it was so amazing. Sometimes it is so easy to speak the Lover's promises over others, but hard to appropriate them as our own. It really blessed me tremendously and helped me see myself as a child before the Father, just like my son, who is being rained down upon with the boundless love of heaven.

Then, AO#1 said he wanted to sing a song to Jesus and made up the most gorgeous song that I'm sure I'll never hear again this side of heaven. I hope the Lover "recorded" it, because I'd love to hear it again some day. AO#1 was singing his love for Jesus and the Holy Spirit, saying they are in his heart and how wonderful they are. It was such an incredible moment.

Now, before you think our day is filled with such amazing instances, I have to tell you the rest of AO#1's day was that of a typical 4 year old, including defiance, tears, fights and all the rest- which is also lovely about the kingdom. Just like we take our children in all their glory and horror, so does the lover take us with all the beauty we can offer him, forgetting and cleansing us of the rest.

Something good

The kids and I made books and did activities based on 1 Cor.13 this last year. I never noticed how much this "love" chapter is based on what NOT to do. I had to try to be creative to find pictures depicting the right way to love. On the page- love does not delight in evil- we glued a cartoon character who looked very mischievious. When explaining it to the kids I told them that the man is saying "I'm going to do something bad" and that we should be like that. Well, being toddlers, the kids took this page on as their motto and invented an "I'm going to do something bad" song, that they loved to sing, much to my horror.

AO#1 was singing it the other day, when we took out our books and were looking at them. I told him (again) that we don't want to do bad, but good and suggested he change his song to "I'm going to do something good" (and added verses like- "go away yucky spirit, I don't want to do something bad, I want to do something good"). Well, it worked!! AO#1 started singing for the yucky spirit to go away, sang that he was going to do something good, then ran to his room and got a teddy bear to give to his sister singing all the while "I'm going to do something good, I'm going to be generous". It's so amazing when they get it and find joy in allowing the Lover to move through them.

Prayers needed

I am writing to ask for prayers for my friend that we will call Orphelia. She has suffered so much pain in her life and is only 28 years old. She loves the CEO, but has suffered another deadly blow in her life and is really struggling and hating the creator right now. She has lost many babies in her short life. The first was a pregnancy cut too short at 7 months, when she lost her first daughter. At that time, she went through a depression and many other devastating life blows, where she was left all alone and ended up in the hospital on her death bed. When in her deepest pain (she was on dialasis and undergoing chemotherapy and some kind of painful injections into her brain- crying out in pain) when she received a vision of the Lover at the foot of her bed weeping with her. She was diagnosed with Lupus and miraculously recovered from near death. She and her husband have wanted a child so badly, but with two more miscarriages, they determined that they should adopt. The day after Christmas a miracle occurred. They were with the birth parents who had chosen them to adopt their precious baby. Orphelia's husband Bobby cut the umbilical cord, the took the baby to the place where they were staying the night and all seemed to have been redeemed for this couple who have suffered so much loss. The next day, they went in to sign the final paperwork, but the notary had not arrived, so the birth mother told them to take the baby and head home, that it would be finalized once the notary arrived. The newly parented couple had never been happier. They were introducing their baby to the grandparents and on their way home to start their new life when they got a call that the birth parents had changed their minds and wanted the baby back.

Understandably, the couple is in deep mourning and distress. The adoption had been going seamlessly until that crucial moment- even supernaturally well. The case worker kept saying that nothing goes this easily and flawlessly and now their long journey has come to a horrid point once again. Please pray for their faith, their marriage, hope and that the CEO would resurrect their dreams and help them to live again in victory. Thank you for your prayers.