Fleeing the Savior complex

We had started a bible study group because several ladies asked if we could have one which was like a neon flashing light that it was time to step our casual visits up a notch. When we asked the Lover what to call the group, we heard "friends". We should have taken the not so blatant hint there and then, that we are called to be true friends, but we have so many trappings and so many walls, it's hard to live this out without all our religiosity. I mean the groups were good. The Lover showed up, relationships were built and there was a sense of friendship- but I know there should have been so much more.

Sylvia, one of the most enigmatic homeless people I know, the one filled with the most demons, also has the greatest insight. She said once- "if we were FRIENDS (with sneering voice) we would do things friends would do like go to the mall or to the movies and hang out". In other words- you are prancing around with your bible and religion asking people to come and be friends, but you hold them at a distance and just want them to attend your little group, feel good about yourself, go home to your family at 5pm and socialize with your REAL friends.

There are several pitfalls to ministry. One is to become calloused and another is to think too highly of oneself. One can also become both calloused AND prideful. A young single mom we hung out with often (like once a week, in twos, like the Jehovah witnesses) asked if we could hang out in the evening- my reaction: that's time for me and the agent- of course I never said that and I never rearranged my thinking to make room for someone who needed family, friendship, love.

I've been thinking a lot of yet another face from our past. The Lover made me realize that Meshell came to our groups because what she really wanted was a friend. She jumped through our hoops and showed interest, but when we didn't take it a step further, closer to realness, to honesty, to being there when she needed us, not when it was convenient for us, she fizzled out. I've been repenting for not being a true friend for her.

From time to time, she will call me (always a new number and address). I've been asking the Lover to have her call so that I can try to be a real friend, like go for coffee and talk about our kids and listen... to give ME another chance with her. Out of the blue, Grandma Nelly tells me she ran into Meshell, that she was living on Park street, where Nelly's church has started to visit as an ongoing, relationship building, neighborhood outreach. This is the second person recently who I've run into that used to visit the ministry who is now being befriended by another group.

In these not so subtle ways, the Lover reminded me that He cares for His people much more than I. That I can come and go out of their lives, but that He is always there. We may have been removed from their lives, but He will use others to love and reach out and care for His sheep, that lone wanderer, lost in the hills. searching for a friend.