crazy

Last night was a bad night. Our daughter awoke at the dark hour of 2:30am. I had had a really busy day previous, starting 2.5 hours earlier than usual and really wanted sleep, needed sleep. I tried to nurse her back to sleep, but had about reached my limit. I don't know how to describe it, but at times I am overcome with this horrid feeling, like my head is filled with ants. I get all uncomfortable and squirmy. She was almost asleep as I'd nursed her 30 minutes, so I laid her down. She woke up. I thought maybe she'd fall back asleep since she had a full tummy and listened to her cry for the next 30 min. at which point I told agent B (hubby) it was his turn. His turn didn't go so well either and he brought her to our bed. She fell asleep THERE, nuzzled between us, but I can't get deep sleep with her in our bed, and I was getting more and more frustrated, so I tried to transfer her. Big mistake. She awoke again. I really felt like I could lose it, that I couldn't deal with her and dropped her in bed with the agent, where she continued to cry for another 30 min.

Finally it dawned on me to pray she would have peace and sleep. The Lover must have known that I needed peace as much, if not more than her, because with the prayer said, I had the ability to go to her again and hold her and love her until she fell asleep again in my arms. This time the transfer worked. I was finally back in bed, but the squirmy discomfort was still wreaking havoc in my mind.

With this supernatural war occurring within me, I started thinking of Princess. I started remembering some of her many episodes- when her "alternative" school locked her up in a padded room, alone with a camera watching her (which she repeatedly- I don't know how- escaped from). When I asked her what was going on in her when she lost it at school, she tried to explain, but couldn't and started having a fit (she was about 8 years old then). I prayed over her, told the demons to leave and finally just chanted the name Jesus with her over and over until calmness was returned to her.

I remembered the time she couldn't deal with an issue and locked herself in the bathroom, throwing a total fit. I tried calling out to her from the other side and when that didn't work, just stood there silently, praying in tongues for her IN MY HEAD with a hand on the door. She opened it long enough to tell me to stop praying and slammed it again.

I thought of so many others who suffer from mental illness, many of whom are homeless (they say something like 30% of homeless people have mental problems).

I had a little more sympathy, a little more understanding and empathy and a few more prayers for them last night. Lover, deliver us. Deliver Princess and so many others who need your hand of comfort, of peace, of love.