MJ has been on my mind lately. We have been meeting for a couple of years as I've tried to help her with her reading. She wants to improve, but seems to find a thousand excuses from week to week, so instead of meeting once a week it becomes more like once a month, which is frustrating at times and a welcome reprieve at others, when I have things going on. But I keep wondering what the Lover would have me do. I think there are other issues behind the excuses, like it's hard, inconvenient, work, humiliating??? I left a message a few days ago saying I didn't know if we should keep trying to meet. She replied back with a message that she's sorry she's just been sick a lot and will try to call when she's better. She does seem to have weird sickness deals, she also has stayed up all night on the phone deals, or am helping the neighbor deals. Lover, direct us in this.
Went to see Big Buddy at the hospital. He was in the worst shape I've ever seen him. When I walked in, he was trying to get himself out of bed (with IV and amputated limb and all). He kept arguing with me and his niece about locking away his second remote controle (he thought he was at home), wanted to know where his knife was and was so utterly confused it was scary. The nurse said it was the effects of the morphine and they were getting him off it and giving him other pain meds. His niece suggested reading the bible to him, but that didn't calm him down and neither did lunch- he didn't want any of it and hasn't been able to keep foods down yet in any case. What did help were the kids. I could put AO2 in his face and he'd be like himself saying how beautiful she was and cooing at her and trying to make her smile. He was concerned that AO1 was getting stuck in a chair (he wasn't), but yesterday said something like: "that child coming in here, looked like he brought the spirit back in me".
I've been praying about Jessie. I saw her at the Sanford's bbq and she was obviously upset, but she said she just had something in her eyes (yeah, they're called tears). I told her that day and called her to tell her if she needed to talk I was here. This morning I had thought of calling her to go to the park with me, but then another friend called me first. I kept wondering if I had been supposed to call Jessie instead. The Spirit is so much better than I in orchestrating these things, 'cause she called today out of the blue, so we're meeting tomorrow. Help me Lover to be a true friend to her. It's hard hanging out with Jessie and so many in her culture. Making conversation is often so strained. I've joked with her that I can do both parts of our talks...
Agent Wife: What are you doing?
Jessie: nothing
AW: How was your day?
Jessie: OK
AW: What are you going to do tomorow?
Jessie: nothing
AW: What are your desires/ hopes/ dreams? (I didn't ask it like this, but have brought it up through conversation before)
Jessie: I dunno
AW: Could anything possibly be more boring than this conversation?
Jessie: maybe
(last question was voiced repeatedly in my head)
11 comments:
Do you think that sometimes we try to hard to establish a relationship? Do you want to be her friend or are you looking to change her? Just asking...
Why do all the pointed questions come from anonymous commenters?
"just asking".
i think anon asks a fair question?
unfortunately, i also think anon is a coward for not giving a name!
AW, i also struggle with these questions. how is it possible to be a friend with people like the friends you describe...
i have been thinking about this alot and i'm afraid i don't have any answers.
just a lot of questions.
peace
well...for the record, I think it's a fair question too (and I think I know the answer, but I'm not the one being asked).
And it's fair to ask tough questions to those who won't leave a blogger profile or even a name...right?
b,
i hear ya bro and i agree.
What's the deal about my name...I don't have a relationship with either of you? It is obvious that you and Miller are friends and can talk frankly to one another. Maybe I feel like Jessie and don't want to share until I can see that the sharing and giving in the relationship is mutual.
I also want to say that I do respect the way Agent Wife wants to be a true friend to Jessie and by reading her other posts, I can see that this is a struggle for her, although I don't have a relationship with Agent Wife either and so God will not allow me to judge her heart. The question was simply my way to bring about a conversation in which I feel Agent Wife is seeking a solution too.
anon,
my apologies
i'm probably, needlessly overprotective. AW has not asked for and probably doesn't feel the need for me to be protective.
please accept my apologies
just takin' up for my sister, whom i love very much!
peace
ditto.
Excuse my 'from the hip' response. I have an ill history with anon commenters. But I allow them on my blog for the very reason you state your reason for being anon.
Carry on.
Thank you for the apologies.
Miller,
In my opinion, your overprotectiveness is exactly what Jessie is looking for.
I have been in Jessie's shoes, wondering what to make of this other person. I have spent most of my life in relationships that
wish to "take" from me...never giving....and it was hard for me to understand and believe that there are people who really care for me, want to protect me and are interested in my life.
It was only through an earthly relationship that was open and honest that I came to know the openess and honesty of the heavenly Father.
My question was offered as a way for Agent WIfe to examine her motives. Agent Wife even questions herself by the comments she makes about "how hard it is to hang out with her and those in her culture" and also the comment about "conversation being so strained."
At the same time, I can also see that Agent Wife is willing and open to listen to what the Spirit is placing on her heart.
sorry it took so long for me to jump into the conversation. I've only now been able to get to the computer.
I'm with you anonymous. I have no problem at all that you do not post your identity. I mean I'm not exactly out in the open posting as Agent Wife either! (although for other reasons). I actually really appreciate your question and it has made me think- a lot. I need that. If I'm just around people who always agree with me, I'll never grow.
As for an answer to your question, you are right. I'm not sure how to get past the religion in me and just love and be friends- true friends to the poor. I believe the Lover is calling us to be friends to those who he's put in our lives and around us, but I have such a strong background of trying to convert and of judging that I'm trying to die to. I've hurt people before trying to change them, often unconsciously so I've even been reticent to try at all. But I don't think it's the Lover's heart for me to hide away in my home with my kids and stick to ourselves (which is not evil in and of itself and which would be way easier). Like you, I've had lots of thoughts on this. I'll try to get them together in a post. I'd like to hear your thoughts too. Help me!!!
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