Being a friend to Princess has not been a particularly rewarding experience for oh, the last 3 years or so. Since she entered the teen years and slightly before, she has become aloof and very unappreciative. She does not seem excited to see me or have a part in my life or me in hers, however every time I've asked or if anyone else has asked if she'd like to terminate the match (through BBBS, Big Brothers, Big Sisters), she replies in her very cool demeanor, "no". Many people have tried to discourage me from continuing on with her, from family to the case worker at the juvenile "correction" center to the very same BBBS organization that hooked us up in the first place.
I've wondered the same myself. Doesn't it say to shake the dust off our feet and move on or that bewildering "cast not your pearls before swine" scripture, which if I want to interpret religiously and so find a loophole out of this "unfulfilling" relationship, I could.
But as I prayed for her one day, begging the Lover to pursue Princess relentlessly and to never give up on her, I felt Him answer back to me why should He if I don't. So I write, never hearing a reply. My heart weeps every time my son calls out her name. My ego is broken every time I face the empty mail box. And I hope and hope and hope and hope that somehow my love will make a difference. There are no outward signs that it will, but for this one promise: love conquers all.
4 comments:
Well, I may be your only devoted fan on this blog, but your posts of late have been primo. Good stuff.
I wouldn't interpret Princess like being a town that refuses Jesus, thus shake the dust off your feet and move on. The fact that she says "no" on ending your relationship/match is proof that she needs/wants your friendship.
B,
i actually read hers before i read yours :)
i have to disagree with B's statement... i don't think her "no" constitutes proof of any kind, it might be manipulation...
but who can say?
no me!
i really believe you have to follow your heart on this one. and i know you're looking to Jesus enough to be honest in your heart...
i trust you AW!
i know you'll obey the Lord on this one...
regardless of what he asks.
peace
i usta be princess. i was a pot head, dope feign crack head juvi delinquent expelled flunky rehabilitated nihilist. i put my mom on antideppresents and burned a huge hole in my fathers wallet and house(literally). i stole pills from my dieing grandma. my rents neva gave up. they threw me in program afta program. yelled cried and kicked the shit outa me. the crying and pleading was the most effective id havta say. the threats helped too though. the programs im not so sure about. i think them making my life completely freaking misrable helped the most. iono whats up with your daughter if its drugs or just and attitude. but dont give up. God will break her. just keep faith. dont doubt. I go to a christian collage now (a very conservative non drug freindly one) it kinda sucks but i dig Jesus. hes pretty chill. and i still hang out with dope feigns and "losers" but i dotn do the drugs no more. Id never be this radical and in love with my faith if it wernt for all the hospitals and institutions. So maybe even thank God your daughter seems so screwed up. Hes molding her becuase he knows she got the support to come out of it and be amazing. Im gonna come out and chill with miller this summer. if your daughtes still around and in trouble maybe i could talk to her. I understand the pain your going through but i also understand the state your daughters in, unemotional, unresponsive, indifferent. She cant bear to think. especailly not rationally. it freaking kill her. Try just getting her to express herself maybe. through art or music or poetry or smashing shit...iono. Love and prayers...shalom
Thanks guys for your encouragement. Anonymous, I really appreciate you sharing your journey's story. You give me hope. Princess is actually a friend of sorts, but she is like a daughter/sister to me. I'm not sure where this walk with her will lead, but I trust that the hand of the Lover is in it.
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