Sacrificial giving

I'm not very good at giving and certainly not very good at sacrificial giving. Just this week I've seen how crafty I have become at guarding my comfort and how lousy I am at putting the needs of others first. I get rolling with my preconceived ideas and don't like them being derailed.

Today, I was slapped in the face (figuratively) when I realized how overly protective of my finances I am. It's easy to say we can't give to xyz because we don't have an income and are very often without extra funds. But I don't think that's how it works. Grandma Nelly and I visited some friends we haven't seen in a while. Beatrice is on a fixed income. She was apologizing to us for having to visit her in her bedroom due to the fact that she closes down the rest of her house to keep her heating bills down. She uses one small space heater to heat her one room and her electric bill for that was $200 last month. She was apologizing that her place was a mess. She makes $20 over the limit to receive help from home health for a cleaning lady. She also had an extra $80 taken out one month because medicare doesn't cover all her needs. While we were visiting, some kids came to the door asking for money. I overheard them: "we have to get money for people to help find a cure for cancer". It didn't even sound like the kids knew what it was they were collecting for, which apparently didn't matter to Beatrice, because when asked she said some neighbor kids were collecting for some school thing. In my mind, I'm already thinking tell them "sorry" and close the door. That's what I do. But she said she thought she had a couple of dollars left after getting groceries and... she gave it to them.

The Lover talks about the widow giving her all, ALL that she to live on. In suburbia, we call that foolish, in kingdom life it's beautiful, a masterpiece heart by the masterpiece maker. He said "ask and you will receive". How many times have people asked me and I've sent them away empty handed? He said "give and it will be given to you"- and no the point isn't to give so that I can get back more- although I've heard this preached more times than I can count. But perhaps at times our lack is due to the fact that I've become so good at closing the door, at making excuses, at saying no, when I actually serve the Yesman, the one who gave until it hurt, who gave until he bleed sweat, tears and blood, who gave until it killed him and still gives today.

Lover, give me that heart, help me to be more like you, and like Beatrice.